dysfunctional.

in a way, to put it in a word, that’s what this family is:

dysfunctional.

but in another way, another word, it ought to be this:

blessed.

Eldest Bro is back home from his Paris+London week-long trip and being the selfless brother he is, got everyone something expensive (anyone knows the brand Longchamp? that’s my new wallet and i know it must be a Big Brand but i’ve never heard of it!) – then later, i went with Mum to send food to The Other Doc In The House who’s on-call tonight and after that, dropped Second Sis at her dorm since her new semester starts tomorrow.

i came home and saw the new family portrait- the one we took about a month ago?- and it hit me just then, how much we’ve all really grown – in a way it’s kind of duhhh, since i AM the youngest and i’m already 18- but you know that feeling, it’s almost sad but at the same time, of acceptance.

how long can one stay in a cocoon of comfort zone right?

obviously, would we even want to really?

sometimes it scares me a lot, these bunch of ch-ch-changes that 2009 has bring thus far- we all know 2010 will be a whole other load- so can we still let things stay the same amidst everything around us (and ourselves) which are changing?

i saw the family portrait and realized then that maybe i don’t see it now, yet, but hopefully 5 or 10 or so years from now we’ll look back at that one and i’ll say, “ahhh back when i was 18…” and maybe one of my sisters will go, “yeah and Kel and KD (our nephews) were only 4 and 2. Look at them now,” and who knows maybe someone will say, “Eldest Sis at graduation, she’s come a long way now,” and maybe someone else will say “where’s Jat now? Haha look at her, still the same.”

or maybe we’ll all end up teaching, like our parents.

i know life constantly surprises us- or is it really Him i’m talking about?- that the paths we’d chosen, dreamt about, planned and hoped for don’t always turn into the ones we step into and live (those who do are very, very blessed) but imagining, hoping, praying and longing for them now is okay-

like i’ve said before, at least for me, at the end of everything what truly matters is that we know, we can come back home to one another.

i really hope this doesn’t change.

I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker (With Flowers In My Hair).

“we can’t have what we’ve already lost.”

smartest statement i’ve come up with in a while, ha ha.

——–

i feel like i’ve known you all my life, then the most ironic feeling comes-

you’re back for good and for years that’s what i’d wanted-

yet i feel more distant than ever before from you… is it because i’m growing older and therefore in a way, separate from you?

it mind-boggles me and sometimes upsets me too, that lately, the more parts of you that’s unraveled, the more i realize that you’re really only human with imperfect flaws …flaws that’s kind of hard for me to digest.

it’s difficult to explain.

——-

how does one undo the secrets one had accidentally chanced upon?

i still hold firm with this: sometimes it’s better to just not know.

——-

(thank you for comments to the last entry- i love comments, keep them coming la :P)