“…Wanna Reach Out To You, Touch My Hand (Can’t Let The Music Stop)”.

(notice something new up there? it’s written WISH :))

newsflash: Eldest Sis rejected ALL the personal essays.

when i read aloud to her one of the essay topics for one of the universities – loosely, “attach a picture of something meaningful to you. Explain” – and i went, “oohhh this is quite difficult” - meaning i don’t think i’ve the time! – she went, “no, that sounds much easier than what you’re writing now. Don’t you think?”

then when i read aloud to her the tweaked version of the latest essay, she went on (very seriously at that) about what i lack and how i ought to be tackling them – “…the thing is when you write, you write like it’s for an exam. But it’s not. No one is grading you. What they want to know is who you are. Write it like you’re going to talk about it out loud. It doesn’t have to be flowery. It’s academic.”

…because her points were so spot-on, now i am stressed like HELL.

because i know i can do better than what i am doing now.

but with makeup tests nearing, i am also feeling ten thousand kinds of stress that i can’t focus about this, can’t put my head in the game.

but she has a point, lest i forget that.

——–

sometimes i think this is my one true love;

Activity: Essay-writing competitions (high school)

Writing has always been a passion of mine. At 15, I’d participated in my first essay-writing competition, organized by the Malaysian Revenue Board with taxation as the theme. I was surprised to win the bonus prize! Later that year, I’d participated in an Independence Day-themed poetry-writing competition by a local university and was one of the Top 25 winners. This drove me to continue and during my senior year last year, I participated in a global-warming-themed essay by the Malaysian Energy Center (PTM) and won first-place. Yet personally, my greatest achievement is definitely obtaining a “Highly Commended” essay in the Commonwealth 2008 essay-writing competition. To me, this was proof that the talent and passion I have towards writing means something. I still believe I may not be the best writer in the world but I know that there are people who find value in my stories;
this is more than enough.

and i can’t help it, i am just too darn idealistic (read: also emotional) it keeps showing in the essays and write-ups, even if i’m meant to be super-serious.

——–

HELL YEAH NEWS IS BACKKKKK!!!

well, kind of but whatever, i’m happyyyyy!

…but Arashi’s concerts (the power of the internet, haha) happening right now are sounding and seems very, very awesome too.

how the hell am i going to outgrow getting giddy over Japanese not-exactly-very-macho boybands?

——–

while looking for some old info for one of my NEW essays (since the old ones had been rejected, sigh) i had to visit my old blog, the blogdrive one – where else is my life “documented” if not my blogs right? harhar – and OHHH, IT WAS PAINFUL, SUCH A PAINFULLLL READ.

i sounded so sixteen, dramatic and… yeah, hell lot of drama!

it’s funny though that my writing style there is still the same here as it was then – for the most part, at least.

the names from the past that kept popping up in many entries there too…

tsk tsk tsk, the good times.

i wish i have enough courage to delete that blog but hmm, maybe someday it’ll be crazy entertaining to read back.

but you can bet i’m not going there in the near future (shudders).

——-

at 15 or 16 or so, i wished i’d stay friends forever with a particular bunch of girlfriends (and more) because then, the friendships were priceless;

it’s funny how one turn of event can shape a whole different future, changes so many things, both inside and out – or maybe it’s more than one event?

looking back now, the “forever” i’d hoped for is the now and He’s amazing that way, that i still have great friendships i try to retain till today – but the faces, the personalities, the girls i’d hoped for… they’re different people.

you already know by now that most of these friendships were with girls that honestly, a year and a half ago, i never quite bothered to get to know but this “forever” that is now?

i count my blessings for their presence.

it’s not that the girls of the past were bad, but at that time when high school felt the world and nothing else could encompass it more, it was difficult to hold onto something that didn’t fit into the puzzle anymore- amidst everything that were constantly changing, it was hard to try to still hold onto something that was becoming loose.

or maybe i gave up, but that’s a different story.

if i really put it into perspective, i know that i am bitter- that’s something  a particular someone gave to me, definitely- and that even if i’ve forgotten and understood better where i too, went wrong, to be completely honest sometimes i wonder if i have ever truly, truly forgiven.

i sincerely hope i have.

this holiday has been really silent that my friendship dilemma just rises to the surface as i reflect and keep questioning what’s wrong with my friendship with the college mates, why do i feel so empty? and what’s up with the ones i’ve been trying to keep, are they still tangible or have my girls change and move apart?

lately i am beginning to really understand that high school has played too big a part in my life thus far, too central that 8 months later and even when i try so hard to let it go, let the memories remain simply that …it’s honestly difficult, especially when the current doesn’t feel half as good.

but that’s the thing with me isn’t it?

i feel too much, i think too much and i hold onto things too long.

“We had the same workload. We had the same homework. We were in the same world. Suddenly now our worlds are different!”

in this silence and loneliness, i had forgotten one thing:

things don’t have to be hard, if i let it.

i guess i didn’t reach out far enough but two nights ago when i did – to A, whom i have been giving the MIA, like with everyone else – it felt good to know that sometimes, if you’re really, really, really lucky, some really small details will still stay the same.

it’s not that i want to fight against change or keep running away, but at times when i just feel really hellish and this loneliness keeps persisting, it’s a comforting feeling.

“Our worlds may be different now A, but honestly I’m really glad that we’re still able to connect.”

maybe not everything is lost with time.

i’m glad.

Vultures.

my personal essay now starts this way:

When I was younger, my eldest sister once said that one can only ever be an idealist or a realist. Try as I might to convince myself I am a realist, the truth remains that I am always captivated by ideas of things, abstract or solid.

i’ve always wanted to discuss (and admit) that i’m largely idealistic and strange that it came out in the personal essay- ironic thing though, is that the original draft was more idealistic and imaginary but this second try (and let’s face it, time is of essence now- this is the final version) comes off to be more straight-to-the-point and honest, though perhaps somewhat less inspiring.

but sincerity is key, so go figure!

i’m still working on it- tweaking more like it- but yes i’m on my way.

anyone interested to give it a read? (harhar).

(by the way, kudos to Eve for giving me this heads-up and my other personal mentor for the grammar check and second opinion, to name a few who had sort of been involved with this- or more like i kinda dragged them…- thank  youuu! ♥)

——–

move aside NEWS, it’s official that i’m currently addicted to another boyband- Arashi.

but i can’t really blame NEWS cos no offence but their publicity agent just sucks in promoting them (as compared to Arashi, hmmph).

…and in defence of this silly side of mine, i still do love NEWS – it’s just that they need to release new stuff more often!

——–

so the panic is back.

the realization that although it’s another name, makeup test still equals to FINALS which then equals to being “ohmygod it was so hard, iIdidn’t expect it to be that difficult!” is enough to keep my heart racing ten times faster.

so i’ve been trying to cram, cram and yes, cram.

LIKE HELLLLL.

because face it, admit it N: i’ve wasted too much time for the past 3 weeks.

so with great self-discipline and resistance, i’ve been laying off ALL my new (and old) dramas – which i’d spent 100 bucks getting in JB last week, heh – when in truth, ohh wouldn’t it have been lovely to watch them nonstop while being home alone?

ahh yes, the sacrifices i make for the Greater Good.

…and by the way, as expected (or is it not?) Partners turned out to be a HUGE disappointment – the build-ups of the plot were okay, headed somewhere… except it crashed and fell flat instead. The ending was sketchy and personally, not lovely at all and ahh, sorry Lee Dong Wook, i love you (and i’m gonna miss you now that you’ve enlisted in the army!) but this is such a C-grade drama, bleghh.

——–

“My daughter here is going to study in US next year, taking environmental engineering. Originally she wanted to take up journalism and I went, ‘ishh buat apa? I know you’re a good writer but that doesn’t mean you can only end up being that!’”

…and i’m thinking, huh how does Ma knows this, am i that transparent?

it was kind of a back-of-the-mind, shortlived option (or maybe not, but whatever, i’m content with my decision).

——-

so i’ve also been in somewhat great distress and coupled with the pressure of finals, i’ve become one messed-up N.

it was funny last night, running into Fi at Cold Storage (or more like she ran into me, what’s with calling “John! John!” and i’m thinking, is someone calling me John? hahahaha) and later last night, i sat down with the personal mentor for a chat.

lately it feels this bond of ours has changed to be more mature – i demand less (signs of growing up?) and she shares more, which is nice.

a lot of things have changed, i admit, but they were inevitable so hey, do something else other than mope right?

“It’s really weird you know, that I do hang out with my college friends quite a lot but until now, I still feel empty. Which is why this holiday has been so silent. I understand that maybe I expect too much from them, that not everyone functions the same way I do with friendship. But I don’t know… somehow I just keep feeling so empty. On the exterior yeah, we’re laughing a lot and stuff but inside? Like I told you before, it’s so lonely I could die.”

“Yes it gets lonely sometimes but whatever it is, remain open to new people. Because there are always other people to meet. Though I understand that as you progress further, people actually already have their own groups – “

“Yeah exactly! And it makes them not very open to other people, or only open to a certain extent.”

or is it me who’s acting this way?

because you see, when i mean i’m quitting trying so hard, it means i leave my phone in vibration mode, i don’t text or call,  i don’t invite anyone for meet-ups or movies or whatever else, i don’t log-in on MSN (i hardly ever, anyway) and when i was in college the past few days previously, i sit alone with my earphones on or yeah, hide away in the library.

i tell myself, i’ll be leaving soon so it’s all good, working out nicely.

if i were to admit, i know it myself that in a way i’m running away from this problem – whatever it is, i can’t put a particular name right now – when i’m hoping that my plans to fly by January next year works out; partly excitement and dream come true yes, but partly too, an act of cowardice.

but you see, i also know that maybe just cos The Dream seems all lovely now doesn’t mean it’ll be easier when i’m actually at the other continent- most likely it’ll be harder- and that international student or whatever else isn’t really a big deal – that maybe trouble with adjusting, like how difficult it has been for me in college now, will repeat again.

crap, what if i turn seriously depressed? (Abang, you better look out for me…)

it’s ironic cos with the college mates i didn’t think i’d leave earlier than them and now that i most probably will, at least right now, this moment, i really don’t feel bad.

empty, empty, empty.

why?

it has to be me, it just can’t be them, all of them.

——-

i want to give silence to this blog because i’m feeling Drama Queen-ish again but truth is, writing’s something i can’t run away from.

inside out.

i used to believe that ‘fitting in’ means dressing a certain way, donning your hair a certain length and style, speaking a certain slang and of course, acting a certain way.

but lately it feels like if anything, ‘fitting in’ is completely the opposite.

what if it means being comfortable with who you yourself are, able to let your guard down and let loose with a bunch of people in the hopes you’ll get to know each other better?

what if it means quit trying so bloody hard to just be liked?

to the point that after a certain period, you become so tired and keep wondering why around you, no one seems to change – but this is the wrong outlook, somewhat warped;

it’s myself that hasn’t.

there is an equation i can’t seem to solve, the one that constantly changes and puzzles me – just when i thought i had a particular part figured out, suddenly it’s as if i keep finding myself back at square one.

it’s ironic, isn’t it?

i am the girl who has everything and nothing simultaneously.

what does it take for myself to love me for me?

this insecurity just kills;

it corrodes everything else with it.

.

.

the applications are 80% done; i’m on my way, maybe.

oh boy.

the most ironic truth, is the fact that i am stuck in the past after all.

today in college it’s results-collecting day – having not taken them, i’m here for different reasons – but while dropping by the office, i met other college mates.

i didn’t feel good.

i’ve been cocooned in this library and it’s semester break so obviously hardly anyone’s coming here- in other words, i’m safe.

but why do i feel this way?

sometimes i feel like telling myself, “N you’re so frikkin’ WEIRD.”

suddenly i feel like leaving by the end of this year – i hope it’ll happen.

talks of Orange Days (& more).

these days it often feels difficult to pick a meaningful Jdrama- somehow as time progresses, values seem to slowly be lost and while the newer ones can be genuinely funny, i really miss the ones i’d grown up watching- the likes of Beautiful Life, Searching for My Polestar or… Orange Days.

so a few days ago, i picked up Orange Days again.

the principle of a drama junkie is this:

life’s too short, time too precious to keep dramas on repeat – there are too many as they are and wise decisions are a must in picking which to watch as to not regret so for a drama to be watched more than once, ought to mean that the drama’s awesome, fantastic and in MY drama junkie dictionary: meaningful.

the first time i’d watched Orange Days was i think, when i was 15 and obviously, very idealistic- Orange Days is about love and friendship with a college setting and what’s interesting is that Heroine’s been partially deaf for four years and there are 5 of them (ala Honey and Clover) and they’re awesome friends, that is, their friendship circle – “Orange Society” – is also moving (to me).

if you can’t read between my lines, i’m saying this: you ought to know i’m a sucker for great friendship circles stories and (back then) college, so watching this, i had always hoped for this to happen to me someday.

of course it hasn’t (or simply never will?) happened to me but you know this too, that in TV-land the stories remain as how they’re recorded …so it’s nice to dig up this story again and give it another go.

a particular scene that stuck with me until now- it did from the first time i’d watched it- was when they stood facing the sunset, all 5 of them, and made wishes for their respective futures by using sign language.

“I wish I will always be true to myself.”

“I wish I will always remain strong.”

“I wish I will always remain gentle.”

“I wish I will always be someone who understands others.”

“I wish I will always be able to protect the one most precious to me.”

what’s thought-provoking- and very true- is the narration by the hero that comes right after this scene;

“What we had wished then were simple things, but as we grow older and progress further in our lives we realize that these were the hardest promises to keep and fulfill.”

don’t you agree?

realistically speaking, i may never be able to have a friendship that resembles the one they portray but the idealist in me will always love this drama Orange Days, my all-time favorite ♥

——-

lately i feel as if there are so many changes going on around me that it’s really hard to keep up, it’s kind of hard to breathe-

yet sometimes it also feels like nothing has changed.

like with friends, both college and high school – but i shan’t elaborate.

what’s most ironic though, is the fact the you will never change and yet, she will never stop keeping the hope that you will.

it’s really tiring you know, to always be stuck at this tandem?

——–

my college essays sound so emotional i could positively barf;

but what matters is that the sincerity comes across so alright, bring it on.

say hello to John!

i’m compulsive and yes, therefore also impulsive.

so i’ve been angry and annoyed with my hair – it’s to a point that i was getting rashes and scaly-like skin on my neck AND collarbone – so last week i texted Fi, “this long hair is SO going to GOOOO.”

well, i lived up to my words.

the lady took what, 15 minutes max to chop ‘em all off – snip snip snip, snap! – and Second Sis who’d watched my so-called ‘transformation’ freaked seeing the length of hair i’d let go of.

i think i had had this hairstyle when i was 15 or so, but it’s been awhile and looking at it again now, i’m not sure, but i think this is shorter than before – like short short.

so here i am now, in a hairstyle that i’d decided to do sort of on an angry (and probably somewhat nonsensical) whim, looking so much like a boy.

but 2 hours later, i was rockin’ it.

maybe i’ll still somewhat hate it tomorrow and hate myself for acting so immaturely (yeah i was feelin’ a ‘lil crazy then) but hey, can’t turn back time right and besides, it’s just hair, after all.

it’ll grow back, before i know it hmmm?

so it’s all good now, except yeah, maybe you want to say hello to John tonight and probably for the next two months ;)

p/s: no, you’re not getting a picture here!

In Progress -

…yeah that’s me and everything else in my life right now.

——-

i’m back (here again, i mean).

SOMEONE GET ME AWAY FROM “HIGH SPEED INTERNET CONNECTION” OFFERED HERE AT THIS AWESOME HOTELLLL!

anyway.

only two more hours before i’m disconnected so let’s make the best of it?

random: my torrent is downloading at super speed :D:D:D:D

——-

so my FNL S3 ended tonight with the finale and ahh it’s hitting too close to self, what’s with Tyra’s words “this is my dream, this is what I want. I’ve wanted this since I was 13!” and all that jazz …it makes me feel like my personal essays thus far have been crap – immature and silly, really.

(and why is it that all my personal essays keep coming off so story-like??)

i don’t know, again this question persists:

what does it mean, chasing after a dream?

i think i think too much about this.

——–

something, something, something is UP with me.

i’m feeling so unsettled ARGH ARGH ARGH.

(this is the time where you go, get off the laptop N!)

SOS (or so I think).

i know i am blogging almost by the hour.

i am really stressed out, i know why -

BUT WHY AM I NOT MOVING TO DE-STRESS MYSELF??!

instead, i keep finding excuses to run away from the sources of my worries.

ARGH, GROW UP N.

——-

the thing with you, is that you will never change.

so why why why do i sometimes still find myself disappointed with you?

——-

“Sometimes I wonder why we wanted to grow up so much. Sometimes it’s just so painful, reality keeps biting. I know what you mean about being angry. We always want things in life, this will never cease. I have no answer on what’s the best way to cope. I’m at a position where Alhamdulillah, I’m getting what I want. Yet sometimes I know my heart feels funny. It still feels constricted. So what does it really mean, chasing after a dream?”

“I know what you mean. I always have ideas about being 18. But I realize that this year I keep feeling so lonely. So lonely I want to cry, so lonely I could die. It’s to a point now that I feel myself disappearing. Sometimes on good days I catch glimpses of the girl I was. Yet I’m not at a ‘bad place’ so I’ve no right to complain. No matter what I do or say, change my ways, I still feel so lonely and sad. But we can only move forward right? So let’s do so with grace. I’m trying at least :)”

hey deskmate, i wish i could’ve taken up your offer to meet up for dinner -

you want to know a secret?

i kind of miss you like hell.

——-

“I haven’t done this in awhile, texting you like this. I feel sad. I keep feeling so lonely lately. I don’t know why. Sometimes it feels so lonely I want to cry. I want to meet some of my old girlfriends because I feel I’m disappearing and I want to be reminded of the girl I used to be. But people move forward right? It’s just me who keeps looking back.”

maybe i don’t know how to say it aloud to you, that i feel so far from you these days …this invisible distance seems to keep growing as we grow older.

i feel so far from you and this makes me sad, i can’t lean on you anymore.

but i know i’m not being fair, plus downright selfish.

so i can’t tell you this; i need to fight my own battles.

——-

so you want to know my truth, what’s going on with me lately?

what’s “wrong” with me?

it’s this.

it’s that i just don’t know why, but i feel SO SO SO lonely i want to scream aloud “can someone please save me?”

but that’s where i question myself with that same frikkin’ question:

WHY DO I ALWAYS LOOK FOR OTHERS TO BE COMPLETE?

it’s not that i’m unhappy right now- lately- it’s just that i feel… unfulfilled.

it’s just that i feel… lost.

but maybe this is simply part of being 18.

so i should shut up, suck it in and simply ride the wave.

i’m trying, really i am.

Partners, Last Scandal and LIFE reviews.

someone kicked my bed as an SOS this morning – i woke up all frenzied;

not a good way to start your Sunday.

——–

i texted some of my old girlfriends and tell them, “i miss you! let’s meet up!”

i meant the words but i know it myself, that the meet-ups won’t happen.

sometimes i think unconsciously or not, i am chasing after the past- a certain kind, at least- because sometimes it really feels crazy lonely that i want to be reminded of the girl i used to be with specific girlfriends.

but not everyone likes to reverse back time, most simply move ahead.

so i guess i should stop trying so much on this too.

——–

so anyway, reality aside, lets talk about my favorite thing: dramas!

i was so bored the other day that i picked up LIFE out from my Jdrama folder- i’d bought it on a random whim last year but never bothered to watch it- and gave it a go.

it’s basically another live-action, from a manga that focused on bullying.

what i didn’t expect though, were elements of rape (i hate rape!) and suicide plus other small random teen issues.

LIFE isn’t bad, the actress who played the heroine was cute and i liked that she actually had a backbone and bounced back despite the persistent bullying by (what else?) this clique, her bunch of former girlfriends.

ohh these nasty, nasty girls.

sometimes while watching i had to refrain myself from shouting aloud “you B*****!!!!” cos heck, the mean girls were convincing- then there’s this other Honor Roll psycho-rapist dude who kept on with this weird spaz looks and tried messing with the heroine all throughout the end – eew, dude.

LIFE’s ending though, was kind of ironic- yeah, the b**** turned apologetic but because now that the entire class has turned against her, roles are reversed and the bullying still goes on anyway.

but its nice to have that tagline of “I’ll never be defeated”, something the heroine would repeatedly say, even at the end.

truth be told though, personally, i think LIFE is a weak drama- true to being very Jdrama-ish, sometimes the dialogue goes on at supposedly intense moments and the said-intense moments were often played out very unrealistically.

then again i don’t know, maybe i’m getting a ‘lil too old for teenage, high school dramas.

anyway, let’s move on to Partners – it’s that Kdrama that’s been airing on KBS World (my current obsession, haha) on its Wednesday-Thursday night slot and yeap, there were a lot of buzz on the Net about it.

this one is simple to explain: it’s ala Boston Legal kind of drama.

but it’s slow, unrealistic and i keep feeling like the PD and scriptwriter want to put a lot of weight in the cases but honestly, the cases aren’t exactly Big Deals.

in other words, it falls flat – i’m only halfway through but oh, it’s really quite painful to keep watching.

the only reason why i’m still sticking around is cos of the hero – Lee Dong Wook who was simply awesome in his ‘04 drama My Girl- who still carries his acting chops pretty well, except this drama isn’t giving him justice.

like i said, i’m halfway through- let’s hope it starts picking up next week onwards cos otherwise, Partners will go in my no-no list.

because i’m a drama junkie and in need of an excuse to not think about application matters and makeup test business, i went to great lengths to obtain this particular Kdrama, The Last Scandal of My Life and boy, am i glad i did!

it didn’t give me a strong impact like how Que Sera, Sera did but it’s really fun – light, sweet, more realistic and very, very enjoyable.

i’m also a darn sucker for the kind of plot that goes 10, 20 years down the road… what happens then?

Last Scandal started out with an ajumma lady (with REALLY bad permed hair) who’s trying to make ends meet for her lousy, worthless husband and teenage daughter – her life’s the typical ajumma in Korea i think- and then there’s the hero, a famous actor who goes by a fake (and younger) persona.

you see, 20 years ago when they were 19, they were each other’s first loves.

but a lot of things have changed in 20 years for the lady so when he finally meets her again, he had the shock of his life – seriously his expression was like, ohmygod this is a nightmare!- but fast forward the drama, somehow she ended up as the housekeeper in his house, a place where he lives with his elder brother (who’s also his agent) and nephew.

it’s an all-boys territory so when she moved in with her daughter to work there, naturally good drama ensued.

and of course, what’s a good drama without a very romantic and superduper sweet love story plotline (of which fine, i admit i’m a total sucker for)?

it’ll be too long and you’re probably not even interested to know the details so i’ll stop here but this drama is, trust me, really really cute.

it’s almost like Bridget Jones but 10 times more entertaining- i think so at least hahaha.

i know it’s more of the kind of drama a housewife would watch (and trust me, Second Sis teased me a lot about watching this) and yeah maybe that’s true but so what, you know?

when i turn 39 someday, i hope do so with grace and still kick-ass haha.

the only sad thing? the actress who played this ajumma lady committed suicide not long after the drama wrapped up in mid-2008- ironically, it was said that her character’s initial state of having a lousy, good-for-nothing husband seemed to mirror her real life a little too much.

so okay, i’ll stop here – is this entry even with a point?

but it’s my space, so hmmm.

sneak peek.

as i’m kick-starting the old essay-writer in me- the college essays, remember?- i found something interesting in my Essay folder;

initially i think this one, i wanted to write in for Commonwealth 2009 but it never quite materialized and there’s only 2 paragraphs to this – i’d actually forgotten about this- but you know what?

not to self-compliment but i think this is kind of my best piece …so here it is, check it out and please do let me know what you think!

(since when do i use “crust and folds of reality”? woah!)

*DISCLAIMER, COPYRIGHT WHAT EVER ELSE HAVE YOU-S.

——–

Sometimes it rained, other days the sky remained blue and the sun shone on. With every movement, the wind blew in my face, sweeping my schoolgirl’s loosely tied hair all over the place until as usual, annoyed, I pulled on the glass window, inching it closer towards the edge, still not completely shut but enough to let the wind blew without unsettling my limited patience. It was at this time during the day, five times a week, whereby I ponder upon my own life’s idiosyncrasies and irony, among others.

Sometimes we find friends at the most unlikely events and places and while the friendship was good, not many lasted through the crust and folds of reality. However, in a strange way, I like to believe that not all true friends and friendships are supposed to remain livelong, certain and… there. Sometimes, a most unlikely and unexpected friendship that ended just as naturally as it started is not all bad. Come to think of it… nope, not at all.

———

so whaddya think? i’m genuinely curious, tee hee.

i might even also finish it, if i actually have time and inspiration -  i’m not sure if this was based on The Drama or not (yeah i’m ancient, my memory depleted somewhere halfway haha) but i don’t think so, or rather maybe that was supposed to be a subplot cos i think i was actually aiming in a different direction in regards to approaching the whole concept of unlikely friendship.

anyway enough rambling- who knows right? har har har.