My father wants to talk about death, but I’m not ready. I understand what he’s not saying, by saying, “I hope your sister finds a good man when we are gone – by ‘we’ I mean your mum and I.” I left him on blue tick marks. Death is not knocking tomorrow, but it has … More wonder
I lost a friend recently, because we’re now different people, and a close friend who always remembers me kindly had asked for an update a few nights ago. It ended up becoming a long stream of messages (voice, chat) until 2 AM. I later thanked her for allowing me to talk about this. The friend … More change of seasons.
A friend of a friend asked not long ago, “So is home True North for you?” I took too long to answer, and when I did, used too many words. I still think about this exact moment, wondering why – what was so hard about the question? A yes or no would suffice. Is it … More home, revisited (again and again).
I have received news about my outcome from the recent reorganization – successfully landed a role! All turned out well, including staying in NL (for another year or so), which gives me great relief. My offer also came with a promotion which, I admit, makes me the happiest cos of this is becoming increasingly hard … More a happy ending
Wrote this across my personal social media spaces. I am sending strength and love to all of us wading through 2021 with unequal measures of tears and laughters through these words: I have been thinking and still struggling to articulate this thought, but I’m going to try today… because cos of my high usage of … More bilingual fluency: joy and sadness
I have been wanting to write this: I had 2 great weekends in a row, complete with amazing weather and worthwhile company. Sometimes I approach this still-a-twilight zone that I’m in like I’m gonna leave the Netherlands by end of July; if I have only a few months left here, where are the places that … More the crossing
Words that have been brewing for a long time: At the last gathering with grad school classmates before graduation, a classmate of foreign descent said, within earshot of everyone, “The only reason you’re heading back home is cos you don’t have anyone.” Rude, in whatever culture. I was humiliated. I gave a short reply and … More “I love you”
“Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried. Grief like yours, love like yours, can only be carried.”— Megan Devine, It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand A friend recently admitted to a consistent and persistent feeling of inherent sadness. She is still coming … More lost / losing
As usual, popping in here cos this is (weirdly) my best and safest space to write about topics or events that I am not ready to disclose under my real name to real life circles. Here’s what is on my mind this evening: I have been seeking counseling. It is short-term, up to a maximum … More cowardly / courageous.
I told myself that I get to write this after submitting my applications. I have! It’s also the last day of March so it feels fitting. I feel like myself again after an emotionally rough 3 months. ‘Healing’ is a word that I hate – alongside ‘self-care’ and other concepts that prayers are to me … More spring forward!