marked cards (the end).

It’s been a pretty crazy, whirlwind and mentally exhausting week.

Then just like that – it ended. Everything’s ending.

Approximately 12 hours ago, I’d presented the third and final phase of my senior design; it’s closure, wrap up, success – you name it.

Technically, we’re only at 90% completion as our report still needs to be written (due on Tuesday) but we’ve been on it since the start of the term that it shouldn’t take too long or difficult to write to completion. In other words… it’s a wrap, almost.

Here’s the irony: endings are incredibly anti-climatic.

I’d wanted to reach this point so badly all the while, but now that it’s finally here – I’m out of sorts. Disappointed almost, at the fact that everything still feels exactly like they’d always been. Over the past nine months, we’d really gotten to know each other well enough, I dare say and struck up a friendship that feels comfortable – temporary, but damn right comfortable.

In celebrating the success of the presentation, I’d followed them to the local campus bar – my first time ever in such a place, what more in experiencing happy hour aha, quite the experience – and was unsurprisingly, met with raised eyebrows and puzzled faces. The term ‘religious obligations’ seemed too much of a mouthful then – they’ll know eventually – that I’d just let this one slide; I smiled and flashed my ID, as they did, but when it was time for me to order… I’d coolly ordered my Coke. Score one for more raised eyebrows and amused faces! Haha, hilarious. Brief as this moment was though, in reality, it’s now personally one of the highlights of my senior design experience.

Two short weeks to the end, followed by a glorious – though different, I bet – summer at home and then I return for Chapter IV in my life thus far.

“That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust.
Stop being who you were and become who you are.”

― Paulo Coelho in The Zahir

Senior year, I’ll ‘fess up on one thing – you took a little bit of my heart with you, that you did.

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