Today I woke up to the cold reality and obvious realization that I am currently metamorphosing once more – existential crisis, damn right – because indeed I’ve been so emotionally out of funk, incredibly burned out and crazy overwhelmed about everything the past weeks. My emotions are on a yo-yo, fluctuating between my perky self and long, mopey Sundays.
Schoolwork will be a continuous mental and emotional strenuous task as well for the next two (final) weeks – that’s just fact. It is ridiculous that I have a final exam, 4 presentations and 5 group reports to work on in this time-frame beginning from right this moment as we speak, seriously. I realize that school is school for everyone – I bitch about it way too often when in truth: get on with the program, N. I geddit, trust me, I do. But I’m also moving out soon, graduating and everything in-between. As much as my near-future is set and exciting, the stripped down truth is that change, no matter how great, is always hard and unpretentious. What can I say? Change is… change.
I want to write this quickly before I jump right back to my senior design report (and a million others, as aforementioned) because I really want to say this aloud and I want every one of you to know that I mean it, from the very bottom of my heart: thank you so, so much.
My almost-ten-years-now writing mentor tells me, way too often, that I internalize too much. She’ll shake her head at me over my tendency to dramatize, but she’s also the same person to extend her unwavering support when it comes to shaking my writer self out of my inner turmoils. This morning, something amazing happened: I woke up to a small community of my regular readers giving me exactly this.
There’s something so wonderful with each comment that was left in the previous entry that my heart… so touched. Most significant of all, it’s the irony – I think they came for the drama write-ups, but ended up staying for the personal ones which is an unexpected but lovely discovery. The latter is such an extension of myself and blogphilic that I’m… floored. Grateful beyond words and strangely comforted at the revelation.
I will say this again, officially, here – rest assured that I will not be disappearing from here!
6 years is an insanely long time to stick to a (virtual) space and as I’d said in the previous entry, I intend to stick to blogphilic for as long as I’m able. An early head’s up though, since we’re at the topic of hiatus – I will be on a semi-hiatus in about 2 weeks for a good three straight weeks due to Real Life happenings of graduation, parents visiting and traveling (with and without them) and this whole moving fiasco. I’m planning on leaving my laptop behind in Philly when I do my travel ventures hitting East, Midwest and West coast in a couple weeks and will be bringing with me my iPad, but blogging/writing is just not the same with the iPad – okay fine, I’m formatting-OCD, hence I can’t stand it when my entries look convoluted… Aha.
Having said the above, from here until June 16 – entries will posted as usual following my usual random whims. In terms of the drama-blogging front, I’ll say this again: I’m keeping my promise of writing about them regularly for the rest of 2013 but I know for certain, at least right now, that this space will never be a full-fledged drama-blog. I enjoy writing about them when I do but I don’t want to fool anyone – this sounds strangely narcissistic, but blogphilic will always be about myself first. I’ve ascertained at least that much and thus, totally understand if regular (drama) readers will slowly dwindle once 2014 rolls by (though I’ll be reassessing then, so anything’s still game). As of right now until December though – things will be the usual, however and whatever it’s been like as it is. I can only take so many changes at one time, aha.
On the drama-front, I know I owe a Part 2 of Pimp That Scene which I hope I can get to tonight, plus there’s that cool Liebster Award thing going around which I’d surprisingly been nominated – by two bloggers! I’m so humbled – which I plan on getting to too, because okay, I’ll admit it: I love the random self-facts bit. I have a feeling this narcissistic adage may be true after all, yikes…
I’ll close with this, a mulling of some sort in that gray area between virtual and real –
What happens when you put your heart on your sleeves, willing yourself to be a little bit more of an open book? Do people step in and out indifferent, or do they etch permanent footings? Worse – do they leave indelible scars? What happens when you put your heart on your sleeves, admitting vulnerability? What happens when you no longer feel like who you were?
Sometimes the strangest, most unexpected and loveliest thing happens: (real) people step in.
My heart’s on my sleeve right now as I write this, but embarrassment be damned –
Thank you for sticking around!