not quite goodbye.

Week 10, the final week. Been frantically trying to complete all reports and presentation slides the past 60 hours, mental exhaustion keeps hitting me out of my reverie; sleep is an abyss of unconsciousness, total blackout. By tomorrow morning this frantic rush should be over.

What’s left? Exhilaration. Nervousness. Sadness.

I’m overwhelmed, mixed feelings. Mostly… Sad, I think.

Two suitcases are now wide open, lying flat on the floor. I’d wanted to reach this end so badly, but now that we’re here, it’s here, my heart hurts. This isn’t supposed to be dramatic – it’s not good bye forever because I’ll be back, albeit in the opposite coast.

But it is goodbye, to this space I’d made and call my own; this little room, this cozy apartment and this life I’d built, however temporary and brief, here. The walk from this apartment to the campus is exactly 12 minutes; now countdowns are on my mind, anything and everything. A little under a month away, I’ll be back to home-soil. Two weeks to the graduation ceremony. Seven days to parents’ arrival. Tick, tock.

How does one pack away 3.5 years worth of memories, mementos, accessories and self-defining experiences into two 50 lb suitcases to be brought back home in a little under a month from now? What are the things that will have to be let go? How does one make peace with a closed chapter? Knowing it’s inevitable, realizing even more that it’s necessary?

I think my heart is crying a little right now, today.

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