“The phoenix must burn to emerge.”

“Who am I? I am who I say I am and tomorrow someone else entirely.
You are too nostalgic, you want memory to secure you, console you.
The past is a bore.
What matters is only oneself and what one creates from what one has learned.
Imagination uses what it needs and discards the rest—
where you want to erect a museum.
Don’t hoard the past, Astrid.
Don’t cherish anything.
Burn it.
The artist is the phoenix who burns to emerge.”

– Janet Fitch, White Oleander

Real Life continues to be busy, busy and busier. Even while on break that I am now, I feel like I keep chasing deadlines one after another and whenever I’m not, I’m juggling family affairs.

As it is right now, I’m house-sitting my two nephews all week long. They’re 8 and 6 but the real challenge is the fact that they’re extremely restless kids who can’t sit still for more than… 10 minutes so I’m constantly having to keep an eye on them. including playing games and other activities with them. I love them, of course I do, but all the hours in a day I thought I have… They seem to just disappear and whittle away.

There’s also more – of course there’s more – but I can’t seem to write them. Try as I might, which I have been ever since I returned two weeks ago. The words play out in my mind and internally, but for the life of me and my sanity, until now for some really frustrating reason… they’re just not translating to here. I feel like an active volcano, just waiting to explode and splatter red, hot lava everywhere as a consequence. It’s easy to write about dramas but so damn difficult to write about reality; the irony, oh the irony.

It’s also Ramadhan right now, the fasting month for Muslims. It’s that one-time of the year so beautiful that the doors of Paradise open for the entire month and most importantly, so reap for enlightenment. Here’s the month where one doubles, triples and more one’s deeds, seeking for grace. I’m trying to make it count, I really am… Which is why I’m trying to keep everything in check – reflect, be patient and move along.

Hold that anger; keep calm and carry on.

Truth? I’m aware – all too aware – that I’m running around in circles and sounding like a broken record player about this writer’s (emotional) block. It’s mid-July, I’m desperately hoping that August will bring with it a much-needed tide of clarity.

The words will come spewing in due time; trust. I need to believe, badly.

“That was the thing about words, they were clear and specific—chair, eye, stone—but when you talked about feelings, words were too stiff, they were this and not that, they couldn’t include all the meanings. In defining, they always left something out.”
– Janet Fitch, White Oleander

One thought on ““The phoenix must burn to emerge.”

  1. I feel like I’m going insane sometimes because I’m in a relationship that I shouldn’t have even been having as much as I know it’s wrong in the same breathe I’m asking this question (what does someone do when the person is so deeply in love with somebody and this relationship has been going on for close to 5 years now and after all there’s years it’s starting to break because the partner is married although you not trying to break the marriage but you’ve allowed yourself falling so deeply in love with the other companion ?. All that have been said is the honest truth and just need a honest an open mind feedback with no judging because only “Allah” can judge each an everyone that He has put on this earth.

    This the wrote with nothing held back and honesty.

    Yours faithfully

    S. Abrahams

    I know thee only one that can be able to help is “Allah” but ill still ask for anyone to give me there honest advise and kanallah don’t hold nothing back on me just be straight honest and open

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