Cue less than a week of counting down to flying back to the States to experience Dream v2.0, the truth? Can’t say I’m excited, but won’t say I’m unhappy. It’s just… How do I put it… Leaving home is always such an iffy, bummer thing to me. I’ve done it countless times by now that frankly, you don’t need to shake me – I’m already mentally telling myself, “Get over it N, get over it!” – but in the scope of things…
How do you get used to leaving home, you know? Not just any house, what more home.
But here’s where once more, I realize my shortcoming – as pointed out by Third Sis, ever the opposite of myself; I am always so focused on the brokenness of things, of the shorter end – of the sadness. I drown myself in the misery and thus, conveniently give consent to worries and anxieties to pay repeated visits with my glass half-empty perspective, affecting and negating my views.
No more, no more!
Tomorrow I promise I’ll do a paradigm shift – it’s time to wear my thinking cap again and switch on my mind, one that’s been dormant and laying way, way low in the past two-and-a-half months (I genuinely like to simply turn off my brain and play stupid when I’m on break). There are things I wish I did differently, but they’re nothing to lose sleep over. What’s important is what I’ve learned along the way – the do’s and don’ts as well as lots of self-reflections away from fictional characters, alternate lives and more.
Yup, nothing beats Real Life and home is always the tough love guru.
Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.
This same time next week will be Day #1 of Dream v2.0, otherwise known as grad school. I know, so geeky – of all the things to dream and strive for, it’s grad school?! Blame it on my background… But on a serious note, while I’m mighty excited and grateful for this opportunity to be part of my lifelong dream institution, over the course of the past few months I’ve also realized how extremely small and well… humble, my alma mater actually is.
Like with the scholarship, I feel like I’ve once more gained entry into some kind of an elitist club – I’m not sure if I even fit in cos frankly I feel like I don’t (and it’s not like I even want to, despite however many out there who would die for the spot) but my lot in life points this way, this much I’m sure given the turn-of-events and what it took to get here. So I want to do right by them and by myself, you know? I want to honor the opportunity, because this much about probability, I understand – this one in however hundreds and thousands; I get it. So sincerely, I hope I won’t lose my head… you know, grow an ego? I hope I’ll continue to do well as I did in undergrad as well as seriously hone research and scientific skills, but ultimately that I stay true to myself and what I believe.
And I’m just saying… But among the many definitions that fit in to that is… Aspiring water resources environmental engineer by day, drama junkie by night! Ha.