“Overcome.” Have you thought carefully, deeply, about this singular word?
- succeed in dealing with (a problem or difficulty).
I am at this point where I want to call my sisters so badly, but I don’t know what to say. I suspect I have nothing to say, instead that tears will just fall and continue to do so.
Perhaps that is all I am truly wanting right now – I am not the only witness to my own angry, frustrated and ugly tears. I am not the only one who hears my uncontrollable sobbing. I am not the only one in the darkness of my apartment.
I wish tears would stop threatening to fall in public. I wish I would stop over-thinking every detail of each day.
I want to make that phone call, but I have nothing to say. I don’t know what to say.
Everything is fine, yet nothing is right. Would they understand? We are not a family tied together through frequent Skype phone calls or whatever. We’re nothing of that sort – long silences typically stretch, broken only by occasional appearances in the recent WhatsApp family group and being in-and-out of each other’s lives are such normal predicaments when we’re at home that it doesn’t take a genius to guess what’s it like once you’re physically separated. If I weren’t so noisy on Facebook, I could so easily make a quiet exit for long periods of time without alarming anyone with worry. It’s normal within the family to go off on our own and return when we’re ready, because as individuals we understand that each of us have our own lives to live. Their lives are in full speed back home, slogged with the demands of reality – crazy workload, family obligations, dates with friends and the human limit.
If I were to call, what would I say? What is there to say? My hardship pales in comparison to the challenges faced by Eldest Sis the working mother, juggling a husband, in-laws and a toddler. My difficulty at fitting in and trying to balance both life in and out of the classroom is no match for Second Sis who juggles work, weekend classes and family obligations. My fatigue and emptiness at long, contemplative days are nothing compared to Third Sis who works for long hours, weekends included and occasionally, having to deal with incessant clients.
If I were to make the phone call, what can I say?
This is a difficult period to overcome; I don’t know what I feel, how to think and who I am anymore.