Oh wow, look what we have here – blogphilic‘s annual report!
I really thought that the summary (link below) discloses meaningful insights about my blogging stint this year. So I figured it is a good time as any to write about the subject that is blogging and my personal thoughts on my role as a blogger-writer with a specific focus, of course, on the past year.
In other words, more active than never, based upon not only page views but total entries, namely double the digits from 2012 for both categories. Pretty insane frankly, and until now I’m honestly boggled that this space has surpassed 100,000 total views – accumulated over six years makes it less of a big deal I know, but when I realize that half of it comes from this year alone… in my book, that’s just crazy.
Those top commenters haha, why am I not surprised? *waves* But sincerely, I’m so grateful for the friendships I’ve made through this space over the past year – some of those comments I’ve received this year, especially in exchanging stories and experiences, they’ve genuinely helped me to chin up and bounce back. Thank you so, so much. Unsurprisingly I’ve received some nasty and insensitive ones too but the good far, far outweighs the bad. Your words have magical powers is all I’m saying, so remember that and use them wisely.
In general to everyone who is around here even if you’ve never dropped a comment or anything of that sort – just for sticking around and reading, namely finding some value in my write-ups however slight, I mean this sincerely:
Thank you :) You guys rock!
The Personal Musing
I like to think my writing this year showed progress, both in terms of maturity and style. I admit I relapsed quite often emotionally, especially since I tend to write expressively and honestly here. Another tendency is to write in the moment itself, so I sound like a total emotional mess half the time – I just hope I don’t come off as a total lunatic. I promise I’m really pretty normal in Real Life haha.
I’ve also realized that my personal musing tends to be incredibly dramatic. As Eldest Sis and soul-sister used to say, “When you’re upset, it’s like the whole world must be sad with you.” She is… correct, I’m afraid. I’m trying, I promise, to be less of a brat and more of an adult now but as far as I can recall, I have always been an over-thinker, over-emotional and over-sensitive person. Traits which I think benefit the writer in me and make me a pretty good student in this thing called life where I am a perpetual observer, but also become the death of me during challenging periods in my life. Fortunately I hold on to the belief that I am always a work in progress, so here’s to hoping for more optimistic outlooks in future – I promise I’m working on them!
Last but not least, something that’s really changed and has become significant when it comes to my writing – the usage of expletive words. To be honest, I used to hate swearing and consciously remind myself not to do so, plus my mum absolutely hates it when any of us siblings use swear words, verbally or on paper. I used to hate it too actually, when writers use them because not everyone is comfortable with their usage – until I become one myself. These days I find that they add strength and weight to not only the writing but also the emotions conveyed. There are moments when I feel that I can’t not use them because the emotions – anger, sadness and fury mostly – don’t suffice merely by admitting to feeling them. I apologize however, if it offends or makes anyone uncomfortable. I can’t promise not to use them because honestly I will, but as it is I’m working on reducing my dependency and usage of them.
What did I say earlier? Work in progress, I promise that’s what I am!
On the drama-writing front, because 2013 has ended it’s now time to assess my experiment, i.e. how did I fare this year and do I want to keep going? I’ll be honest: I’ve considered quitting repeatedly this past year. The moment I announced and made it official I’d try for the rest of the year, I regretted it immediately and wished I didn’t.
When the slump hit and stayed for months; when I started feeling pressured and obliged to chug entries; when I grew an inflated ego at the dramatic increase in page views and inevitably became all too aware of rising statistics especially followers who entered (and then exited); when I realized I wasn’t writing for myself to please or relieve myself, instead for others and an audience ergo going against my personal blogging stance – in all those moments, I wanted so badly to quit.
If there is ever a more reluctant drama-writer, I’d really like for us to get to know one another haha. Sometimes I really hate myself for writing about dramas – that they’re dramas and not literature, for instance, or that I’m not even Korean or Japanese so what rights do I even have to be writing about them? When these questions and thoughts arise, I hate myself because I feel really foolish. Sometimes… I still do. It is an ongoing internal battle, I suppose.
Oddly enough though, it’s cos of this that has led me to newfound blog friends. It’s cos of this that I’m able to continue writing with a purpose, as opposed to endless personal musing especially now that I’m no longer doing editorial work. It’s cos of this that I started to think more critically about writing – what does it actually mean to me and how does it impact me on a greater, more profound level? -, drama-watching and Asian pop culture in general. Drama-writing is not always fun, I openly admit and I still think I’m a reluctant drama-(side)blogger, but interestingly I’ve also realized that it’s an unconventional learning curve that’s pretty damn satisfying in hindsight.
In all honesty I really, really don’t know how long I’ll do this because there are days when I absolutely loathe it. I don’t want to be just another drama-blogger; I am a living, breathing multifaceted person but because the world’s attention is now suddenly upon Asian dramas especially Korean dramas, it’s like I’m suddenly part of this long-list that I never wanted or planned to sign up for. I am a person first I suppose is what I genuinely believe and think, but once I’m pooled under drama-blogger it’s like my identity as a person on the world-wide web and especially here becomes obsolete and less significant. It’s like people want to talk about the dramas only, where fiction matters more than reality and it’s disconcerting. It is odd and in my crazy, weird highly sensitized funk which you’ve probably noticed if you’ve been around here for a while – when it rubs me off the wrong way, it really rubs me off the wrong way.
I digress. Looking back at 2013, still, there were more pros than cons. I realize that I think I’ll eventually outgrow these Asian dramas someday, and because I’ve watched for a decade plus that near future might actually come sooner than later you know what I mean? As it is, it’s now so easy for me to drop dramas like flies, and fictional characters and settings don’t consume and transport me as effortlessly as they used to. It’s weird when I think about this seriously because in many ways these Asian dramas have really been a part of my life for so long. What happens next if I’m out of love with them? I… have no idea. The thought is unsettling, but not impossible.
I wish I’m less of an over-thinker, but you make do with what and who you are and well, that’s just how I’ve always been. Morbidity aside, what I mean to convey though is that rest assured because I’ve decided to continue to write about dramas and Asian pop culture for perhaps another year. Then we’ll see, because even now Real Life is quite the bitch frankly speaking. I’ve lowered my self-expectations and self-destructive pressure to perform on this front – I don’t make myself feel bad and obliged any longer, which is a relief – so hopefully in this second year of drama-writing, I’ll learn to lighten up and just have fun with it, you know what I mean? God knows I need it.
More fun, less pressure. Let’s see how the upcoming year progresses, haha.
UPDATE: Thanks to Heisui for pointing out the obvious below, haha. My apologies if I’m annoying or starting to annoy everyone with this so-called dilemma – one of my new year blogging resolution is definitely to quit bringing this up and I shall attempt starting from here onward! Thanks too, for being ever so patient… *innocent smile*
The Closing Note
When it comes to blogphilic and myself, one thing is certain and it’s a self-promise I make at the start of each new year: the bread and butter of blogphilic is my honest internal musing and monologue, written above all for myself first, and not for an audience. It always has, and must always will be so. This reminder keeps me grounded and honest both in my writing and as an individual.
With all that said, thank you once again for such a great year!
It’s truly been a great blogging year! As we transition into the new year, I sincerely hope that through (more) words written, shared and exchanged, they’ll introduce me to more wonderful new friends the world over and even more insightful life lessons, in their many varied shapes and forms, to gain and learn from.
Our words have magical powers, remember that. Honor, care and use them wisely.
If you’re interested, the WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog:
Here’s an excerpt:
The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 58,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 21 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.