an open letter (thank you).

Dear readers,

Over the past few months, I’ve lost so many blog followers on WordPress – the only place I keep track of stats, at least, not sure about elsewhere like Feedly or Bloglovin’ if I’m being followed in those spaces – that it’s starting to wound my pride somewhat.

I hate it when I’m so consciously affected, and I try my best not to, but I’m only human – as the numbers decline more frequently, ouch (that’s my pride talking). I’ve actually quit reading so many blogs myself too and so honestly this shouldn’t be surprising, what more become an issue – we read what we’re interested in, and quit on those that no longer gauge our interests. Frankly I think it’s embarrassing to admit it aloud, this decline. I think I know what’s the cause – I think folks sign up cos they expect drama-related write-ups, but most of the time, they just get me and my sob stories.

Like… last night, where I’d influx everyone with five consecutive entries.

No one likes a sob story and when I come to, I always get annoyed at myself for being such an emotional wreck online and through my writing. I apologize, and I always feel sorry towards others for dumping the stuff I do, on them. On the other hand though, I’ve maintained this from the get-go: this is a personal blog. I admit I’m a rather self-indulgent blogger and sometimes too… narcissistic? I don’t know, I want to care and I really do, but I think ultimately I care … about myself more.

I guess I’m bringing this up for a few reasons. Mostly I just want to talk about this, just because. Second is because I’d like to apologize – I’m in… a weird phase in my life at the moment, and I write as a means to reason, analyze, and react. Sincerely though, I apologize if I’m just flooding folks with things you’ve no interest to know, and if you’re expecting other things but I keep chugging my sob stories. The thing is, because I’m still in this phase, I don’t think this will stop anytime soon – nor do I intend to stop writing here, just cos no one but myself cares.

On the drama-front, honestly I am barely juggling my time with two dramas and I’m so emotionally disconnected from them that I don’t even feel like writing anything after catching up on them. There’s also that oftentimes, I’m just so exhausted that I can’t, even when I want to. The ongoing of my Real Life now too, is giving me serious writer’s emotional block. It’s either I’ve no mood, or can’t find the words.

I digress. Back to the reasons why I wanted to talk about this: here’s the third and really, it’s this question that’s been on my mind and prompted me to write this: 

When it comes to being a blog writer, how much does one write for oneself versus fulfilling others’ expectations?

Yes, one could argue, “This is your space, hence you’re fully entitled to write about whatever you want.” But blogging is different from the typical norm of other writing means, in that it is an active, two-way medium. Engaging oneself in the activity is as much as listening, responding and taking into account feedback in the form of readers’ engagement and interests.

What is it that I hope to accomplish, merely opening a can of worms or a more two-fold interaction? I… am not sure. I just feel like I’m not delivering what’s in a way, expected of some folks and given my current state, I honestly think I will keep under-delivering.

I feel… bad.

I’m so grateful to the drama-blogging community because it has enriched my blogging experience by tenfolds, but I am not in it forever, that much is certain and I won’t lie about it. I enjoy writing about shows and pop culture, but I refuse to be coerced into it. I know some folks stick around here for this and I’m really thankful for each of you because wow, of the many drama-blogs out there, I made it to your reading list.

Maybe I just like to hear back from you, by writing this. Different from when I started out seven years ago – this time blogphilic has an audience of sorts. It is small, this group, but even in Real Life it’s not like my support system is large; it’s cozy, and personal. There are listeners, readers, and friends. As much as I own this space, my voice no longer echoes in an empty room, you know what I mean?

If you’ve any thoughts in response to this, i.e. myself as blogger and this space, content and all that, please do feel free to express. I would love to hear from you, sincerely. Constructive criticisms? I’ll accept them with an open mind and heart, I promise. Lovely, encouraging words? You guys are always too kind to me. Expletives? It’ll hurt my ears, but I understand. Goodbyes? This too, I totally understand.

Thank you for being such lovely and patient readers, and more than anything –

thank you, thank you, thank you for listening.

Sincerely yours,
jandoe

PS Ironically, WP’s Daily Post just covered this exact topic here.

Advertisements

23 thoughts on “an open letter (thank you).

  1. I say, ‘good riddance!’ to the people who care more about what you may think about dramas, and less about the person you are. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, but I like this place because it’s YOU. And whether or not I understand what kind of mood you’re in, or the posts you write, or even how to respond.. (because yes I’ve at least glanced at the past few days’ worth of posts, and much of the things you say makes me stop and ponder for a while, even if I don’t verbally reply) .. I like and envy that you can share.

    I’m on a total drama blogging rut. I don’t really care much right now. I’ll probably work my way out of it sometime, but I haven’t had the mental energy necessary to write, or even to obsess about drama. It’s just not hitting me at the moment. But I still like being a part of a larger audience, for you and for others. :)

    1. Is everything okay on your end? Are you recovering okay? I see you around the drama- blogosphere, but I do notice that you’ve mentioned time and again (and elsewhere) how you’re not really watching anything or have the mood for anything. I hope everything is okay (!!) *hugs*

      Yesterday when I read your first two words – “good riddance” – OMG, you really have a way with getting through to me :’) Thank you Rosie (side note: now I keep cracking up that me and Caitlyn are thrown off-kilter to know you’re really a Sara… :p) and honestly, one of the best thing and person the drama-blogging sphere gave me is you. Legittttt. I feel like I can always count on you to pop up and share something meaty, whether in hindsight or through personal experience. I love it so much whenever you provide a different perspective to an issue I thought I’d it down pat that “this is how others think” on religion etc.

      Is everything okay? I hope you are… :o

      1. *Beams happily*
        I am slowly getting back on my feet as far as watching dramas goes. Though, I’m having to really vary what I watch because I get annoyed much much faster with less than average television.
        Otherwise – I think I am ok. You know how you deliberated recently about whether you thought you were happy/not happy/trying to be happy? That is me right now with the phrase “okay”. Health is stable, with the occasional relapses. Mood varies. Some days I am perfectly chipper, and some days I feel very blah and I don’t know why. It bemuses me.. I’m craving more company, and actually seeking out friends and friendships outside of normalcy. And for the most part it has been rewarding. But sitting at home all day is also rewarding. I don’t even know how I spend all that time. Life just.. goes. I bought a battery powered clock so I can hear it ticking throughout the day. I adore the sound of clocks ticking. But I don’t know where the time goes, and I”m not sure I like that.. I think the inner workings of my brain are a jumbled mess. But still, I am okay with that..

        1. I think like with everything else, reasons and clarity come in when the timing is right, or more fitting. If the current state you’re in isn’t a bad thing (which it doesn’t sound like to me, personally) I think then yes, you’re doing okay and things are okay :) I’m happy to hear you’re doing better and seeking normalcy, because it means you’re still actively seeking and participating.

          The inner workings is frankly, always a jumbled mess haha. Even during moments when we think they’re not – that’s not really true, I think, so go easy on yourself with that! Ah I love the bit about the battery powered clock. Honestly I think I’d go crazy, if I had one of those but I love how describe it, and how much it means to you.

          Don’t chase time, or mull where it disappears to, just make good use of it! :)

  2. I love your blog so much)Frankly speaking I discovered this blog because of reviews of dramas,but then I also discovered your posts about life and other things and they were so amazing.I was genuinely suprised because I had the same feelings and thoughts.When I read your posts I start to feel better,so thank you.Thank you for sharing your thoughts with the world.Don’t stop doing that.

    1. Paloma! Thank you for the conviction and affirmation; it’s like when I read your comment yesterday, your voice sounded strong, almost like if we were speaking in person about this topic, you’d be shaking me by now and telling me, “Stop thinking that way! I’m serious.” (this really was the scenario I pictured the moment I finished reading your comment the first time :p)

      So happy you found my space, thank you so much as always :)

  3. You don’t have to apologize! I’ve always felt that blogging, even when it’s about television shows or music, is much more personal than a lot of the writing people tend to share with one another. I think the fact that you can share thoughts about your own life as well as thoughts on dramas is a strength…

    1. Ladida, you’re always reminding not to apologize T_T Legit I teared up somewhat there reading your comment yesterday, cos your voice is always calm and non-judgmental. Thanks so much :)

      PS I have been wanting to say this for awhile, but your icon is THE CUTEST THING!! Just seeing it makes me happy whenever it pops up on my notification or dashboard! :D

  4. Honestly…don’t feel bad about losing readers because there are people like us who stick around for your personal posts too. You’re such an encouragement and inspiration to many of us (I mean whoa…you just write so eloquently I’m left amazed most of the time) even if you don’t realise it. As much as I love dramas, sometimes. I can’t be bothered to even blog about them…not with the craziness that is RL, drama just sort of fades out in the background. It pales in comparison to the actual dilemmas that we face in RL, and I think it’s important to address that and for us to recognise that life is not all about sunshines and rainbows. We don’t mind hearing about your problems,it precisely what makes you all the more relatable and approachable.
    I’m pretty sure everyone has their own fair share of shitty situations to deal with too so knowing that there’s someone out there who’s facing a similar dilemma out there actually gives us more strength to overcome adversity, the revelation of ‘hey I’m not alone in feeling like this, it’s totally normal to be not alright’ is comforting.
    As crazy as it sounds, I actually like reading your personal posts precisely because they’ve often written on a whim, on the spur of the moment and we get to know what you’re feeling at the moment up close and personal. Writing is so so important especially as a blogger because it’s the only thing that keeps us sane during our ups and downs, especially when we’re having a rough patch. So…keep writing, don’t you care about the naysayers because you’re awesome just the way you are (cheesy, I know HEH).
    Whenever you’re having a hard time, just remember that you have us readers (some may be your quiet but steady supporters) to fall back on and hopefully you’ll gain comfort in knowing that there are people out there who cares about the things that you write. HUGS.

    1. “It pales in comparison to the actual dilemmas that we face in RL, and I think it’s important to address that and for us to recognise that life is not all about sunshines and rainbows.”

      THIS. You captured it exactly, and this is the biggest challenge I have now, but so many people watch and commit to dramas (i.e. blog-reading etc) as a form of escapism, so sometimes I wonder if my space bogs them down, because you’re not getting the sunshines and rainbow – this seeps in even when I’m talking about dramas or pop culture stuff haha, I feel like I’m always bursting people’s bubbles somewhat. Somewhere in my drama-watching years, I think it became a kind of escapism too so I understand where they’re coming from (and thus why they left), but I realize it’s no longer the case for me anymore. In fact I think it’s old habits more than anything now – which is either good or bad.

      This is my hypothesis on why the numbers declined so rapidly, but I could be wrong… maybe my sob stories and nostalgia BS got too much? Haha. So I’m honest to God, so thankful for folks like you who continue to stick around :’) *hugs back*

      PS How have you been? I feel like you disappeared around here and your own blog for awhile there! Totally understandable, but I hope it’s nothing major, that all is fine at your end :)

      1. Don’t worry it’s not just you…I feel like I’ve become more and more jaded and skeptical when it comes to drama-watching…like, everyone else obviously loves drama X but for me it’s just not as engaging and in fact I don’t actually love the drama as much as I probably should judging from other people’s reaction (obvious examples would be Man From Another Star, Reply 1994, I Need Romance 3). Sometimes I wonder if it’s my problem for being so picky with dramas.

        Right now none of the current dramas succeed in providing me with an escape from RL (maybe RL is bogging me down too much for me to do that), but oddly enough I don’t really care. I’m not watching any dramas right now so it feels a bit odd but somehow it feels like the right thing to do. I’m not making much sense now but yeah, people just got to realise that bloggers do have a life and that we can’t always satisfy their expectations, if they can’t get that well that’s just too bad. *shrugs*

        At the end of the day, our blog is the only non-compromised outlet that we have that, and we’ve got to maintain that or else it would defeat the purpose of having the space in the first place would it not?

        So don’t worry if you feel like you’re bursting other people’s bubbles, I’ll burst them together with you (am oddly bursting with excitement at the prospect of it lol I think I a bit of a sadist+skeptic).

        Whatever it is, we’ve got your back covered. We may be small in numbers, silent but we’re there, we’re steady and ready to listen whenever you need us. *fist pump*

        Awwww…so sweet of you to notice my absence heh I thought no one would really notice my inactivity. Nice to know that there are people out there who cares. *sniffles* As you’d probably know by now, I’m having a bit of slump of my own too right now. And on top of that my state of health has been far from satisfactory too what with flu, sore throat and fever coming at me at the same time. All I can say is, thank God for the heartwarming blogging community. :)

  5. Dear…to be honest, I’m jealous that you have a place to rant on about yourself and be confident about it. Don’t take it to heart because people have their own preferences and just like the amazing people who commented above, I enjoy the current flavour of this blog. It speaks volumes about your passion (dramas) but at the same time, you can be yourself and the readers, me being one of them, can relate to your innermost thoughts.

    I’m one of your silent readers most of the time but I think I should let you know that your sobs stories are somehow a comfort to me, knowing that I’m not alone going through the troubles in life ;)

    *polar bear hugs* for you, friend!

  6. You lose some, you win some. I don’t really do the follow thingy, but I do visit your blog daily.

    I admit I don’t really read all your posts, only those that interest me, be it personal or not, but I don’t begrudge you for not only talking about dramas. We all need an outlet, someone to talk to, or somewhere to rant at and if this blog is that place for you, then I am happy that you’ve found yours.

    1. Omg oozzeee your words really made my morning :) thank you so much. It’s completely understandable about picking and choosing (I do the same elsewhere too haha so sometimes I am like why do I worry so much, when it comes my own space) but it gives me warm fuzzies to know you check in daily. I admit I wasn’t sure how regularly you’re around here, but I always enjoy reading your inputs! (I’ll try to write more about Jdramas if I can haha, cos I know you’re more averse to it too, like me! :p)

    1. OMG I’m convinced now, WE NEED TO BE FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE! Read your other comment about lurkers and laughed like crazy. You are so hilarious (but awesome!) :D

  7. I read all of your posts, although I don’t comment on them all. Blogging is inherently selfish, I think. This is your space and you’re not writing for anyone except yourself. If people want to read it, good for them. If they don’t, that’s not a reflection on you, that just shows that everyone is different and people have different interests. Basically, I just agree with what everyone above me has said, ha ha

Don't Hold Back! Share Your Thoughts.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s