So it’s the last day of winter quarter as well as visit day today.
I’ve a friend who is visiting this year. She’s all excited and I am equally excited for her, but wow, it’s so weird to realize that just a year ago, I was not only in her place, but remember the mixed feelings and nervousness? Remember the (dark) days when funding was bleak, and dreams felt out of reach? Remember the uncertainty, the (foolish) thought that it’s all or nothing?
Now I cringe in embarrassment at the memories (i.e. how I acted…), but it has finally hit: I am glad I decided to attend Stanford. I am so grateful for how things have worked out. This place drives me crazy and at times I still feel like an outsider looking in, but I’ve gotten to know so many awesome folks, and it’s challenged me to question how much ‘dreams’ are really worth, and knowledge I thought I knew well. My fundamental beliefs are constantly put to the test, affecting how I view things and especially myself. I have come out of the storm battered, slightly more broken that the last time, sometimes angry though most times in tears – but I have grown. I have grown so, so much in the past seven months both personally and professionally. The life lessons have been invaluable.
Earlier this week I was told that hindsight is 20/20 – I can’t agree more. “Things work out as they ought to, N,” I’ve been told repeatedly over the past few months by kind souls. It’s hard to believe that for myself when I’m in a dark abyss, filled with worries and anxiety, but I stepped out of it for a second and I think I see it now. I’m immensely grateful.
Alhamdulillah, praises to God for everything. Have a beautiful Friday!