The Onionsoul Edition: #899.

Written on Monday, October 17, 2011 – when she was still in Tasmania, Australia, completing her degree. Sandwiches is a nickname she used for this Singaporean guy who featured prominently in her life and writing over the 1.5 years that she spent there. They had something of an intense shared history which I’m not fully privy to, though I know the meat of it. I did meet him in-person when I attended her graduation in late 2011 and… not my favorite character. But those were the days, I suppose I can put it that way, because they remain close friends until today.

I’ve loved this particular write-up since I came across it months, maybe years ago – especially that last paragraph – but the mood and tone’s never been quite right …until tonight. Here, have our weekly Yoda-ism dose from Third Sis:

Do you remember the time, just somewhere before Tasmania, before today, before right now when you feel discontented? When you feel empty inside, and constantly in search of God? Do you remember the time when you feel the whole world hates you, when all you do is exude negative energy because you cannot be happy?

Sandwiches and I walked again yesterday – it’s becoming our daily thing – fresh air at 4. While he introduces me to small Tasmanian trails – one day one new trail (to which I squeal like a little baby) – the thought that I have forgotten. Alhamdulillah I have grown to be a very secure person inside out, and I know this by heart. I know that when someone looks at me as a Muslim, incomplete though as I am, I understand exactly what I am and what I’m about. When someone looks at me as an Asian, I’m proud as hell to be Malaysian. Throw anything; no matter what they are, I know I can/have/will conquer them all. 

Now I feel the wind against my skin. I breathe in freedom only I understand, and through his pain, I am still very fulfilled. Still full of hope. Still convinced that if he sees what I see, he will feel what I feel.

That we cannot sit around and wait for our destiny to be revealed to us, but that we must seek it, like we seek happiness and a sense of freedom; with the same intensity, same hunger and determination; until we don’t just feel it inside, but we become the concept itself. 

– Pinknerd | #899. Can’t Tell You Something That Ain’t Real


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