The Onionsoul Edition: #914.

Another Monday in 2011, this time it’s on October 14th.

On a scale of 1 to 10, one being the least severe, how lost are we? How do we determine whether we are lost, wandering, or merely confused? 

I decided sometime ago, perhaps way before I dared admit it that I didn’t want to pursue design anymore – or at least if I wanted to, it would have to be different. Something more intellectual, more theoretical, more humanitarian, contributory to society – something, anything, but this. Somewhere along the way, I think, something happened. Somewhere when you find yourself awake at 5 AM, cursing life, forgetting to eat dinner, drunk on five types of energy drinks, that something happened. When you see God obscured in your mind, and faith has taken a backseat over busy schedule, that something happened. Here we are, after years of chasing excellency, of high grades and nothing. That we’ve begun to think. Who the fuck am I trying to please? Who put me here? Do I even want to do this? 

Things are simply the way they are. When you’re speaking to people and they tell you how admirable you are, and then a frown. One frown. Two confused furrows of the brow. And more. When they (personally) feel you took up the wrong course, ventured in the wrong thing, as if validating what you feel deep down inside but dare not acknowledge. You can’t stand up anymore for what you think you believe in, and what is worse than a salesman who doesn’t believe in his product? An entrepreneur who doesn’t know his trade?

I love what I do, but I am not in love with it. Everything that I feel, they float. All I know right now, is that I want to stay unattached to other people’s expectations, of their dreams and words, and alas, do whatever the hell that feels right to my soul. Consider this – if every city has its soul, and so many have faltered to technology, to modernity, to so-called evolution of human progress etc, let’s take two steps back and reconfigure. 

Fuck I’m 22 years old, there’s a whole world to discover, Sherlock!

– Pinknerd | #914. 

But what happens when you’re twenty-four, and nowhere near to making any sense and progress? What she felt at twenty-two, I still struggle to reconcile at twenty-four. Fun fact: despite this confession and detachment for her professional career – she’s now a highly successful, really happy, interior designer.


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