I just realized that some people are extremely visual people, like my sister for instance, who speaks through colors and finds metaphors in image stills. Whereas I am just… not. This is how I speak, always through words, so many of them – too many – and they just spill everywhere. Even in silence, I bleed in words.
Right now I feel sad, and it frustrates me that even while resisting, unconsciously and already I am painting this sadness through adjectives. Even when my heart shuts off, my mind doesn’t. Words take flight, rearranging themselves to conjure vivid descriptions of every damn thing. Even when I bleed, these words are red hot ember; a stubborn flame. Right now I wish I knew how to make this stop. I wish I knew how to shut them out just as we can shut out noise. Even in silence, I bleed in words.
Today I wish so desperately that I knew how to express myself differently.