I (im)patiently waited an entire week to post this, the one that echoes my heart precisely as it is right now, as is. It’s crazy how interconnected our hearts are, like two-halves that make a whole indeed. Still, this affirms to me once again that everyone faces similar struggles – different timelines but when it’s time, it’s time.
This write-up of hers has been the bane of my existence for the past several weeks; you will probably understand why the moment you read it in entirety. There’s been a certain kind of pattern and ongoing theme(s) here, isn’t it? Rewinding the clock to early 2012: January 9, to be exact. She was twenty-three then.
We’re at that age where if we were to sit in a round table with our parents and speak of boys a, b, c, d, e (the letters continue), they show interest. In fact it will pique their interest so much they will do a subtle background check. It actually is pretty amusing. I’m actually pretty amused.
And then I realized I’m done with university. My friends are getting hitched one by one. People are moving away. Friends are earning their own cash. Everybody’s growing, parents are getting old, and the inevitable – like marriage and death – have become okay. My conversations with my older brother (while running errands in the morning) have become more intense. We’re talking long term financial crisis, we’re discussing life partners in lengths, we discuss limitations and future change in ideals, of preparing ourselves for surprises, of falling in love and reality checks, of chasing dreams and future education.
I realize jack doesn’t fit in the equation anymore. I realize whatever I decide next time will be long-term. I realize I have to make a choice some time in life – to either get attached and get held back, or not get attached and forever run unstructured. I realize too that the way I am around people have changed. I realize I have become more selective as to whom I want to converse with, whom I want to have coffee with, and whom I want to surround myself with. There are perspectives in everything, and I realize also, troubled as it makes me feel, that some friends no longer fit in the equation – just like jack. And we’re growing distant. Because we’re subconsciously choosing different paths, and some things must eventually end. And apparently, unlike jack, I really don’t mind (I never do).
Nothing seems like they’ve changed but I know things are quietly happening. Because God’s mysterious that way. I’m closing my circle up a notch but I know somewhere, somehow, I’m getting more open-hearted.
– Pinknerd | #946. Jack Will Always Be
“I realize I have to make a choice some time in life – to either get attached and get held back, or not get attached and forever run unstructured.” This single sentence says everything.