Some life phases are longer than most. They reappear after a long while and in their revival, rear ugly demons in their wake. I swear, this tran-fucking-sition uncertain adulthood stage spirals me out of fucking control. Some days I just don’t know who I am anymore; I stand for too many things and therefore, absolutely nothing.
I was never like this.
I was never one to curse for instance …not until I learned how to let anger roll on my tongue in the form of the f-word and experienced that satisfying, intoxicating feeling tingling all over my body. Magical sensations from one, just one, unsuspecting word.
Our little curses.
Third Sis wrote this on March 5, 2012. Exactly three years and two months ago.
My little curse is that when I am upset, I am so angry I want to break, scratch, destroy, destruct and avenge. There is nothing quite brutal, and nothing quite like the need to have the objects of your wrath in the palm of your hands and crush them.
But my heart is starving, and that is the truth.
It seeks solace in forgiveness, in wanting serenity, in finding inner peace. It wants to stop the heat that is brewing so deep inside my soul. It doesn’t want blood. Because this isn’t who I am. It just wants to walk out healed, hopeful and ever-pleasant. After all, I cannot be angry at God.
– Pinknerd | #998. Stand A Little Taller.
“But my heart is starving, and that is the truth.”