“It’s so easy to forget, and I always forget.”

How can a person be filled with so much sunshine and warmth?

Why am I… nothing like these girls?

My skin is cold, my insides blue; no one ever comes close the way they do with those girls. The same ones who, simply by being themselves, attract people in the same way that bees swarm flowers. Rich, succulent, and sweet to the touch. Loved.

Why am I… always the one who is left to cope with my loneliness?

Sometimes I wish I’m different.

I wish I knew how to exude warmth the way they (effortlessly) do.

“A lot of this year has been foreign and new to me because everything that I thought I knew and everything that I was comfortable with just sort of vanished, and it left me a little lost but also somewhat inspired. I felt like I was given another beginning, one where I’d get to leave certain things and people and selves behind. It’s funny how things almost never turn out the way you expect them to. I am always reminded time and time again how important human connection is; how essential it is for life. Sometimes I can spend days where I would just close the rest of the world off and live entirely in my head. It’s so easy to forget, and I always forget. But the world never fails to remind me of everything human that is soft and light. Last week, I was sitting on a bench with a friend at university and she was telling how much she misses our conversations. The other night, in a parking lot, I ate takeaway pasta with my best friend in my car, and we just exchanged moments of our lives with each other. I’ve spent a lot of nights aimlessly driving around with the windows down in the company of good friends. Most of the time, we’d talk about everything but sometimes we would let silence fill the spaces between us. When I think about it, isn’t this all we really want? To have someone here with us who we can connect with, who just gets it, us, even in silence. I mean, essentially isn’t this what the human condition is all about; isn’t this what art is? Creating something ugly and beautiful and universal in the hopes that someone else will say: yes, I feel this way too. And suddenly the world isn’t so big and cold. I think it’s in those moments of understanding where you will be able to find healing, closure, or whatever it is that you need at the time. It’s okay to want people, to crave touch, to be hungry for connection. After all, as humans, maybe these are our primitive desires. 
— A.Y. on May 11, 2015


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