“I spent the last two years in search of answers -“

Because it’s a rainy, gray Monday evening that’s spoiled by an unnecessary, condescending tone.

Also because I spent an entire day reading up and doing my online research about Laos, a place that I just don’t know why, but I’m obsessed in making sure that I visit before 2015 leaves us all. Before I’m embraced by a new chapter of life.

There are years of questions and answers, I’m told.

I spent the last two years in search of answers – questions ringing right and left, everywhere my feet treaded and my sights rested upon. I spent the last two years in search of answers  – outside and inside this house called self. I spent the last two years running wild, listless and in despair, sometimes tear-stricken, other times in quiet contemplation.

The last two years were years of questions.

I wonder if what I’m searching for lies in Laos – an entirely new place, totally unfamiliar territories, for me? Or did I leave the answers in that land of bright lights and freedom and dreams, stamped all over the world’s favorite cities? Or are the answers here, all along, buried deep under the earth’s surface where home rests, lying patiently in wait for so many years?

Sometimes I think I wander so far, roam the nooks and corners of the earth, obsessed in my quest to sight and see – only to miss all the things that are directly under my nose, within the grasp of my hands, and close enough to touch.  Over and over, I look outward, seeing in others what I simply cannot see in myself; I keep forgetting to look inside the chambers of my own soul. Is the grass truly greener on the other side – or is it simply in how, and how much, light enters a place?

There are years of questions and answers, I’m told.

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