on “the last summer (of you & me)”: (and we) begin again.

Four years ago, I wrote an entryThe Last Summer (of You & Me). The title was inspired by Ann Brashares‘ novel post-Sisterhood series. That write-up detailed my first summer break – and the last summer spent solely in the company of Eldest Sis. We were just about inseparable. Our endless car rides, finding any excuse to be together, conversing without end… I look back at that summer with fondness and sentimentality; a period of time and versions of ourselves that no longer exist.

Life has a funny way of coming full circle, I think.

This particular summer, I’ve had her for company at least five days a week. It’s as if the clock rewinded, just like that first summer, the same one I was convinced was our – mine and her – last. The irony; technically, this is my last summer break.

Like with everything else, here I go; (and we) begin again.

Tomorrow I am sending off Eldest Sis to school – grad school, to be specific – where she will, from tomorrow onward, be next among us siblings to obtain a masters (and if all goes according to plan, PhD too). Years of her sending me off, physically and figuratively, cheering me on every step of my way – it’s nice to be giving back, you know? And by sending, I mean literally sending. For the first time in my life, I’m actually driving – which I’m now re-re-relearning; my god, legit I’ll make sure I’m able to drive by next year – and dropping off someone – not just any someone, but her!

If you’re unfamiliar with our relationship; she is my light, my soul-sister, my personal mentor … I owe her just about everything, no kidding. Ultimately and perhaps most significant: for the person that I am today. I owe her for a childhood in which she cushioned many fatal blows; for smoothening out the emotional instabilities; for her ever-patient ears; for making space, always, for me in her heart and life; for imparting her wisdom and thoughts to me, in hopes that I’d turn out better than I would or could have; for being that one person who believes in me on days, months – years, even – when I never did.

And of course – for her writing voice; without hers, I would likely not uncover mine.

The best thing about being home, I think, is that now I get to be with her. Now that I think about it – I’ve been interacting and conversing with her every single day over the last two months. There’s never a day that we don’t at least exchange a text message. I love that she’s now just a speed dial away, no longer separated by time zones and international call rates.

Life has a funny way of coming full circle, I think.

And in its many surprises – I am grateful, always, that out of all the eldest sisters there are in the world;

she’s my Eldest Sis.

“I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)”
— e.e. cummings, I Carry Your Heart


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