Third Sis: Do you miss America?
N: I do, honestly I do. But I think I’m realistic. This is my life now (as in, that part of my life’s over). … Deciding to go home was also a conscious, deliberate decision – I made it with my mind and heart wide open, so to speak. I thought about it seriously. Because I decided this myself, I’m responsible for this(my) decision.
Truths, in a packet of evens:
Even on a bad day, I don’t actually hate Malaysia. Even on a particularly difficult day, I don’t actually wish I wasn’t here, living through all that is good and bad. Even when I miss the days of freedom and peacefulness of my years abroad, I wouldn’t change my decision to come home. Even when I realize that there’s too much background noise at home that I’m no longer able to internalize and thus write, I don’t look at myself and think, “I’m at my wit’s end.” Even though I realize how true it is that America is the land of opportunities, one I consciously gave up in replacement of the land of less opportunities, I remind myself that the opportunities are simply packaged differently. Above all, even on days when I’m absolutely disgusted by the Malaysian economy and ugly politicking, I don’t actually wish to denounce myself as a citizen.
I’m saying this for the umpteenth time, I know, but I mean it each time:
I’m back in your arms for better and worse, Malaysia.
So keep proving to me there’s hope and love and change aplenty in our land – Happy 58th Independence Day!
May us all forever honor, fight for, and live the independence we, a nation (already, still) in unison, yearn.
“Emancipate yourself from mental slavery.
None but ourselves can free our minds.”
— Marcus Garvey