“I’m happiness itself.”

I wrote this yesterday. I shared this on my personal Facebook because it’s really for real-life friends there, but I’ll be honest – I like this write-up a lot. I’ll be even more honest – this is in truth, only half of the story. There’s still more I’d like to say out loud, confess, about this. A handful write-ups to come this week, I think. There’s a lot of turmoil inside of me these days.

To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever been so conscious of my singlehood until I’ve to fill up all these forms declaring if I’ve any dependents… wow wow wow adulthood continues to be a confusing whirlpool that I keep being stupidly surprised whenever I remember I am in it. On a relevant note, lately I keep seeing two things on my social media: 1) friends getting engaged/hitched and 2) friends grunting and declaring war against the institution of marriage. Admittedly the business of relationship is foreign to me like nothing else so I’m not sure if I’m in any position to say this ha, but if I may – good for you if you’ve found the one and settling into this new life phase and equally good for you if you’ve decided that kinda life isn’t for you or just not yet, you know? It’s just… there’s no need to show-off happiness – it shows, trust me, it shows – and equally, there is no need to be declaring war simply cos you’re annoyed – maybe just worried – about your singlehood. 

The way I think of it is all of us are gifted with different forms of rezeki (blessings) and they don’t appear in the same order, person to person. I don’t actually believe that God substitutes one rezeki for another – He’s Almighty and has promised that what’s meant for us will be ours – I think it is just a matter of things beyond our comprehension and foresight …which we need to trust and place faith that God knows what we know not. I know the ticking clock worries us (when does it not) and the not knowing makes us anxious (trust me, I’m Exhibit A) but if we focus so much on what we’re convinced we’re missing – we’re missing out on all the things we already have. Contrary to what may be popular opinion about me (ha!), I actually think it would be nice to be a party of two, but I also really like the person I am now, so much that (hypothetically speaking, if I have a suitor) I don’t want to sell myself short to settle just because everyone who is supposedly everyone is. My point is: hey, how about whatever we have now, we make the best out of them and put in dua (prayer) for those yet to arrive? Of course there’s tinge of annoyance – it’s human nature – towards those who keep being in our faces about their love lives but how about we take the high road, as in, when someone is happy over something that’s still absent in our lives, be happy for them and hope that they would pray for our happiness too? In the meantime, be happiness itself.

I hope that whoever meets and get to know me would think, “Ah, she’s a bundle of joy.” Whether I’m single or whole to another whole being (not half, never half) is irrelevant to my emitting positive vibes. Cos what is most important is the present and in it – “in the meantime” – I’m happiness itself.

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