“To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.”

“My whole system is in shock. I’m in shock!”

“But you know, I think I accept. I accept that my pace will always be slower than other people. I’m a late-bloomer adult, this is literally true. Not just in a physical sense – holding up a first job at this age, for instance – but also with supposed natural life phases. Like romantic relationships and marriage. I’m just warming up to the idea of them right now, so what if others are already jumping into them. I’m a late-bloomer adult; I’ll grow into them, if or when I do, at my own pace.” 

Come to think of it – (societally) normal has never been my middle name anyway.

.

I had lunch with Eldest Sis this afternoon, catching up on everything and nothing. Discussing as usual, life and love and family and future and religion and- just everything. Whenever I count my blessings, honest, I count her twice every time.

When the clock hit 130 PM and I dropped her off at her mother-in-law’s place – yes, I’ve overcome my driving woe; I drive around the neighbourhood nowadays, running errands, and I drive her around the most! – I sensed a calmness that’s been absent all week – my internals were struggling to respond maturely and sensibly to external changes – and felt it again:

My heart of life is good. 

Hey, you know how much fun and excitement other people’s lives seem to be compared to ours? Maybe that’s true, maybe they’re not all carefully curated realities after all… but they are not us. They are not us. We are not them.

The rule of the game of life is simple, when I debone it to its fundamental:

Their lives are theirs; ours is ours.

My internal system might admittedly still be in shock – I continue to insist we’re only twenty-four years young, what’s the rush in settling down and marriage and babies like they’re the only life goals achievable? – but my heart of life is good.

I’m doing okay.

complete destruction

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