“Calm down. You’re only 25 years young.”

The life of a twenty-something singleton, need I say more?

(Go on. Judge. Keep judging, why don’t you?)

February 18, 2016

After 8 months (goodness, 4 months to a year) of being back in the fold of our societal box rampant with religious obligations and cultural norms and expectations, on the topic of being 25 and (still)single: I think it’s important to realize that you can be 25 and want marriage/babies/husband …and I can be 25 and not want those – yet or for life is at my discretion.

(I distinctly remember being 22 and extremely angry about this: “They insist in putting me in a box,” I said, seething as I continued“My achievements nullified just because I’ve no man by my side.”

Understand that life is a series of choices. Care zilch about the ridicules, belittling jokes and unsolicited concerns thrown simply because you’re not making the same choices that your same-aged peers all seem to do. Commitment is a choice they made; likewise no-commitment is a choice we(I) make. I respect that decision of theirs though I may not agree; why is this respect rarely mutual? Contrary to what society believes, neither is superior to the other. And no, it’s not that I intentionally choose to be alone -but I choose not to look at this as a ‘loss’, that I am therefore by societal virtue, ‘lacking’.

Most important: people are dynamic and in general, no one chooses to grow old alone; we’re just riding through life at a different pace with distinct pairs of lenses. Life is a series of choices – frankly, your bigger worry ought to be that it’s you, actually yourself, calling all the shots in your life.

Calm down. You’re only 25 years young.

February 19, 2016

I swear I’m not trying to speak for all the singletons in the world (HA -not even gonna try) but I hope the perception that “you’ve no family- you don’t understand!” will stop right here. Right. Here. Because though those with families undeniably reshuffle and prioritize how time is best spent, sometimes perhaps even experiencing sleepless nights thinking how to feed mouths and fulfill obligations -please don’t assume that a party of one has zero obligations. You’ve no idea if a particular single person is actually the main breadwinner of their family; takes care of parents who are in old age; or maybe even has, for a long time, been wanting this ‘family’ you have but has yet to find the right person to build one with. 

My point is: don’t belittle others’ hardships just cos they’re packaged differently than yours.

I’m aware there are inconsiderate and selfish blokes out there as well as ignorant “Oh, here: my first world problems” dimwits who promote the counter-point – don’t be That Person by the way – but I love how my Dad always says, whenever I get judgy, “Jane, rezeki orang lain-lain.” (lit. Jane, each person’s blessings are distinct)

Our blessings and hardships are packaged differently – we’re tested justly though, worry not – that’s all.

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