(re)growth.

About two weeks ago, on a particularly rough week, I ended up calling Eldest Sis to vent about my frustrations and disappointment at myself. For weeks, I struggled with constantly feeling incompetent and aimless. I compared myself with another colleague who, on a bad day, would remind me some much of my old self that it only brings me deeper into self-loathing. To this Eldest Sis responded, “The only difference I see between you and her is experience. She had an earlier start. That’s all.” Not convinced, I went on about how she has traits that I no longer do and worse, have no idea how to reclaim. She sets the standard so high that catching up means having to frikkin leap. “Fine,” Eldest Sis finally said at one point in our conversation, “It’s either she’s as competent as you claim she is …or in that same amount of time she spent becoming competent, you, on the other hand – you’re just spending too much of your time complaining.”

Ouch.

So I’m glad I’m here, attending this training that every new joiner to the company goes through. This course, you could say, is a rite-of-passage into the company. And you know what? Unexpectedly, this training is doing me lots of good – not just in terms of professional development, but also (especially) in retrieving myself back. Not gonna lie; it feels damn great to feel like myself again. In fact, today it finally hit me that while it is true some select people are meant to be the Somebody of tomorrow – identified as early as right now, at the start of our careers – their intelligence and capabilities do not invalidate my hard-earned, slowly built skills. Some people really do, simply put, have What It Takes – but what are already mine: hey, I earned them fair and square! Today I’m reminded that I’m not other people (Eldest Sis and the rest of my universe: “You don’t have to be!”) and that’s okay. We’re all walking at our own pace – some faster than others, and that’s okay. I’m okay.

I’m okay.

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