“you’re (no longer there but) here.”

I just came across this, an old write-up that funnily, I don’t remember writing (at all) but one that I apparently, obviously did. I mean, it’s here – in this space. To be specific, I wrote this on December 23, 2013 under “you’re there.” :

I tried to rifle through my mental compartments yesterday, fiddling through arrays of our conversations from yesteryears. I tried to return to seven years ago when I was only fifteen, and you were twenty-two. I tried to return to when you were at this age that I am now and tried hard to recall what it was like for you then, what you thought of when you think of home.

At soon-twenty-five now, I would like to answer my twenty-two year old self – she who had written the above with her Eldest Sis in mind – and tell her that she can rest easy now; her heart can learn the beginnings of settling. I want to tell her that home is here and it is hot, throbbing, and alive. Hell, it’s actually more palpable and vivid than never before.

I had a moment of realization yesterday, in the middle of chaos from too much sun, sand, sky and best of all – laughter. It hit me silent like a bullet but also sharp like a knife; lucid. I stood stupefied for a moment, basked in the light of clarity; maybe, an internal turning point. I’m home, home, home – to the magnanimous physicality of it… as well as to myself.

Welcome home, N. This has been the right decision all along and all the while, isn’t it?


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