“On those braver days, I do better than erase our differences – I make us braver individuals.”

Sometimes, on days when I feel particularly brave, I entertain the idea of hypotheticals.

What would it be like if my friend reciprocated my feelings towards him? What if, in truth and all along, we carry a secret torch for each other – kept hidden away, convinced we’re not the right ones for each other? Because I am a storyteller, sometimes I play tricks on myself by conjuring farfetched stories involving quiet longing, secret stares, and dormant feelings.

On those braver days, I do better than erase our differences – I make us braver individuals. 

“Let’s see where this takes us – the end, tomorrow? A year later? Years from now…? Let’s give this a shot.”

I imagine one of us, if not both, saying those lines. Let’s see how far this takes us.

On those braver days, I do better than erase this gap that we can’t close – I let it stay, and allow acceptance to take over.

I imagine him finding his way to God – my God – before making his way to me; the order is deliberate. I imagine meeting him on the same page when it comes to the Dearly Beloved, united in our decision to have religion as the main pillar in our lives. I imagine long conversations about our shared values; sometimes laughing, sometimes arguing – always, trading stories.

I imagine us crossing that bridge together, having lost some – but gaining, mostly, in twos.

On those days when I feel particularly courageous, I do not edit out even our physical differences – like how one of my top-right teeth is awkwardly and embarrassingly crooked, or that his tousled hair is speckled with white strands – because I let us do better than that: meet halfway, leaning onto each other friendly yet affectionately… like the old friends that we are.

On those pluckier days, I do even (even) better than hide all the ways that we’re different – like how we both love traveling but do so in opposing ways – because I let us come-to-terms with our differences – of which there are plenty, naturally – and instead, have us focus on making our similarities work for us. In fact, I let us keep every trait of ours that we recognize to be authentic to the definitions of who we are as individuals, because we embody the understanding that ‘I am a whole person before I am your person.’ I am already love – before love showed up at my doorstep in the form of a complementary.

On those braver days, I allow one thing – just one – to enter my heart of hearts: hope.

I think of us, and I courageously let myself hold on to the thought and belief that He gave us consent; a chance.

Sometimes, on days when I feel particularly brave, I entertain the idea of hypotheticals.


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