“Maybe it comes with being idealistic; maybe it is my nature; maybe it developed from my past exposures… (But) Whenever I see boundaries, all I think about is: I want to break them.”
Defy them. Cross them.
I think I realize now, why I only write about one or two topics – those I still can’t verbalize out loud – here.
It’s not because I’m so hung up about them – maybe I am, but even with emotional turmoil, to be completely honest, my life remains fluid and dynamic; ever-changing. Tonight it finally occurred to me why: I think it’s because since relocating, I spend hours outside in the real world, in the physical company of newly-familiar close friends, bouncing off ideas and confiding in each other about work – politics, grievances, frustrations, and yes, even future aspirations and wishful thoughts.
Like how I made a mistake at work – my first – last week. But none of it appeared here, isn’t it?
The internet simply can’t know these thoughts.
In a way, I think – for once without realizing or being too conscious of it – I’ve stepped into (what I think of is) the realm of true adulthood: building a steady network of colleague-friends, those who will always be my lifelong friends, detached or close, because we went through this period of growth at this particular time in our lives together. We’re surviving through our hardest era of twenty-something with each other as support system – this is truly, simply put, something. I’ve found that my conversations now take on a different point-of-view and touch upon increasingly personal issues – the reason behind years of singlehood, for instance – and with painfully raw honesty, candid thoughts on what is now my professional world.
Or maybe in getting to know them better; I am, simultaneously, being reintroduced to myself.