I think about this quote a lot lately, ever since coming across it several weeks ago; it has been on my mind.
In the earlier months of this year, I battled and some days lost the fight with loneliness – it’s no wonder, naturally, that I could not get behind this saying. What’s wrong with wanting relief from loneliness? I’d questioned, angry that the misconception between alone and loneliness continues to divide. What’s wrong with desiring companionship, now exhausted by years of deliberate, well-intentioned solitude? I shouted, in my mind, directed to no one in particular.
(But) now that the desire to be loved has waned and the exhaustion of feeling constantly fearful has decreased, I can’t help but wonder why this quote continues to overstay its unwelcome presence… until it hit me, at long last, several days ago:
While the unease of loneliness has dissipated – at least temporarily suppressed – that feeling of wanting has yet to wane.
When I think of you, despite knowing that you do not and would not like me in the way that I do about you –
I think… I don’t know how to un-love a beloved friend, one who’s a compatible soul-inspirer. An intellectual equal.
Your soul… your soul… you’ve no clue of its enchantment. You are utterly, magnificently beautiful.
And therefore, I do what I do best: I just love you harder.
(I’m setting myself up for heartbreak, aren’t I? This will not end beautifully)