what it feels like to like someone, part II.

Other random things I like and/or appreciate about A from our joint-whirlwind of 12 hours on Sunday:

  • He’s also religious. By that I mean: we’re on the same page when it comes to this. In other words: it was not at all awkward to ask to stop at the mosque – twice – and to bring up, now and then, the topic of being Muslim.
  • When he talks about himself in this way, he too, like me, uses Muslim – not ‘Malay.’
  • He seems mostly amused by me – not offended or taken aback, as if never surprised.
  • He’s also an American graduate – but rarely speaks and admits this out loud.
  • He calls me ‘the Stanford girl’ sometimes though mostly in a joking way but I do suspect that in a way, he does think that I’m out-of-league. Yet, at the same time, I don’t find or feel that he’s eg0-challenged by this fact.
  • He’d read a small prayer every time he starts the engine – in a totally casual, oblivious way. Murmuring to himself as  he buckles himself up or grabs the hand brake – totally natural, like it’s a thing he always does.
  • When we were in the car driving back: how he’d lean in to my side, tilting his head so his ears would be close to my face and going, “Hm?” in trying to hear me out better – meaning he really is listening and paying attention.
  • “Are you… the quiet type?” I’d asked him. (He is) I’m not.
  • How, when I look at him and realized we clicked, what subconsciously came to my mind: possibilities.
  • How, without realizing it – only later – I’d hidden my claws and put away my hard edges, words included.
  • When I think of myself, I think: frantic. Neuroses.
  • When I think of him, I think: calm, quiet sea.

Things I’d forgotten (that I hate) when I like someone:

  • How much and deeply I go into myself and my mind, extrapolating, all the damn time. Sigh.

…but it also feels kind of… maybe… different… this time?

What does it feel like – is this what it feels like – to want, to choose, someone?

I’m… just going to put in several prayers…


5 thoughts on “what it feels like to like someone, part II.

  1. Guh, I feel you, Jan. After literally years of being content to be single, I recently and suddenly find myself drawn to someone, and I find myself extrapolating deep inside my head for way more than the rest of my brain thinks is healthy. And here I thought I was over all that stuff. Heh. I’m fairly confident I’ll get a grip soonish – or so I hope! But, just wanted you to know you’re not weird and you’re not alone!! Hugs!

    1. Omg!!! Same! I hope this does go somewhere (this is actually the first (!) time I feel that I WANT to be with someone) but at the same time I’d love to brace myself and be realistic if it doesn’t. I bet you feel the same way too… I’m keeping us – you and me – in my prayers that we turn out alright irrespective of the outcome and that at least for now, we get a better grip of our mind and heart!

      1. I totes need to get a grip. Coz of all the extrapolating, efficiency has, for now, ceased to be a thing. And I feel like an idiot sometimes, coz I’m so sure I’m the only one extrapolating here. So YES, definitely need to get a better grip. You are absolutely right – I want to brace myself and be realistic, coz there are many factors that are in the way, in my situation.

        At the same time, I also wanted to tell you that I completely identify with that thing you said about liking that you both have a similar approach to your faith. SAME.

        Still, need to get a better grip, Lol. 😂

        1. Is he respondingggg? Is he a colleague? Can I get details as to why you think you’re the only one who is in over your head? Who knows if he is too… :D

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