Other random things I like and/or appreciate about A from our joint-whirlwind of 12 hours on Sunday:
- He’s also religious. By that I mean: we’re on the same page when it comes to this. In other words: it was not at all awkward to ask to stop at the mosque – twice – and to bring up, now and then, the topic of being Muslim.
- When he talks about himself in this way, he too, like me, uses Muslim – not ‘Malay.’
- He seems mostly amused by me – not offended or taken aback, as if never surprised.
- He’s also an American graduate – but rarely speaks and admits this out loud.
- He calls me ‘the Stanford girl’ sometimes though mostly in a joking way but I do suspect that in a way, he does think that I’m out-of-league. Yet, at the same time, I don’t find or feel that he’s eg0-challenged by this fact.
- He’d read a small prayer every time he starts the engine – in a totally casual, oblivious way. Murmuring to himself as he buckles himself up or grabs the hand brake – totally natural, like it’s a thing he always does.
- When we were in the car driving back: how he’d lean in to my side, tilting his head so his ears would be close to my face and going, “Hm?” in trying to hear me out better – meaning he really is listening and paying attention.
- “Are you… the quiet type?” I’d asked him. (He is) I’m not.
- How, when I look at him and realized we clicked, what subconsciously came to my mind: possibilities.
- How, without realizing it – only later – I’d hidden my claws and put away my hard edges, words included.
- When I think of myself, I think: frantic. Neuroses.
- When I think of him, I think: calm, quiet sea.
Things I’d forgotten (that I hate) when I like someone:
- How much and deeply I go into myself and my mind, extrapolating, all the damn time. Sigh.
…but it also feels kind of… maybe… different… this time?
What does it feel like – is this what it feels like – to want, to choose, someone?
I’m… just going to put in several prayers…