Love, viewed from an Islamic perspective versus that of the Western world, is different. In fact, at times I find them so radically divergent that if you are a person who views and believes in love from a Western world standpoint – it is probably a genuine challenge to fathom and understand where I am coming from. It’s fine to sit this one out and think, she’s being delusional. I’m
old mature enough by now to understand that I don’t need to justify my every move and thought.
So yes. On this, I just want to preface: I totally understand.
On everything else – the back story behind these lengthy texts can come later.
I just wanted to make sure that I record and keepsake the wisdom of my Eldest Sis;
“I agree with the part that this is a huge test for you… After getting married especially, I’ve realised again and again just how much the concept of love is framed by western cultures and beliefs, and this is too monocular. I think you should find what love is in the frame of being Muslim. It’s difficult to express this without sounding preachy(!)… but in Islam the concept is actually very clear.
Girls generally will think a lot about this matter, and A as you have rightly pointed out may not have that same focus. Men will have to be leaders and providers for their families, and they prepare for these [roles] in different ways. I admire his maturity at his age now. It’s also great that you respect that.
For you, have this light and fire in your heart, because it’s a wonderful blessing to feel love; because you are human; because you deserve it. But yes be mindful that it might lead to exactly where you want it to go, or it might not at all. There’s really no easy answer, but I sense that maybe he needs time – a significant amount – and he needs a great friend now, more than romance. Show him your friendship is sincere – you will have to learn what are his values about friends, what he defines as a healthy friendship, and as your friend he should look at your perspectives too.
Keep with this prayers you have started… but perhaps disentangle yourself from that statement, “‘I’ have chosen this person…'” We are powerless to decide the outcomes. Perhaps it’s more of “This person truly feels like a perfect match, but only You, Allah s.w.t. knows the secrets of all hearts. If this is indeed the person, please ease all of our steps towards each other. But if there is a better person You have chosen for me (even though I can hardly imagine this person), please help me gain my bearings and maintain the friendship we have built.”
You may not be able to really ‘stop’ thinking about it, but I feel that you will achieve a deeper understanding about it all. Plus despite these feelings you have to grow in your career too, so allocate some focus on that.
God-willing, things will be okay…
As for delusional – no. I think you have legitimate anxieties haha, just that the answers are not with me, and neither are they with A. It’ll be somewhere in your conversations and ‘inside jokes’ with Allah s.w.t.
I’ve to insert the cautions here too as I am recalling that once upon a time that I thought I met a perfect match for me, believing in it so deeply, and it was not at all. And I think it was because I left Allah s.w.t out of it, somehow thinking ‘I’ could be in control of my destiny. So when I let it all go, and mended my relationship with Allah s.w.t, sometimes through ‘arguments’ really, rather than just submissive prayers, I found a really profound sense of meaning in my life. For me as a person and unrelated to thoughts of whether I would find real love in this life. And now I am with the perfect match He found for me, and it is an indescribable wonder.
So don’t feel disheartened… you have Allah s.w.t on your side. It is just like that ayat (lit. verse) in Al-Ankabut, the one that is something like, ‘Did you think you could say ‘I believe’ and not be tried?'”