when they ask if I’m ‘okay’;

I think I am always seeking to be understood and therefore constantly disappointed.

Eldest Sis laid this to me at an early age, wise person that she is, unlike myself who still struggles to accept this even now (already) at twenty-five: “You can’t expect me to be there for you all the time when I can’t even be there for myself. You can’t expect that of anyone because even the best of people disappoint.” When I am misunderstood, or my truth misconstrued – that silence so deafening yet only I hear it – I wonder as I do now if I am the fault and flaw (it is always myself).

Lately I think I am, at my deepest core, lonely and (alone) in pain.

 

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One thought on “when they ask if I’m ‘okay’;

  1. i completely get this…and could have written something very similar to this. you are not alone–even when i feels like you desperately are. (sometimes i am able to believe that) <3

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