They are officially engaged, with the wedding date scheduled for 4 months from now.
It all happened and worked out for the best (really – I don’t have any feelings whatsoever for him; neither then nor now) but I wonder if I will always be less of a person because I cannot seem to be happy for her, them? Am I less of a person for still remembering that he was disrespectful towards me in trying to go for me whilst he planned ways to get close with her and/or to fulfill his general desire of wanting marriage – as in, anyone would do thus try for whoever is available? Am I less of a person for always feeling annoyed every time I come across, directly or indirectly, their photos and moments?
I want to erase myself so badly from their history. I do not – do not – want to be known as the friend who connected them, supposedly “If it wasn’t for Jane, we probably wouldn’t-“ Shut up. No. Fucking no.
Every time I see and hear news about them like this; how she is so happy – I understand this worked out for the best as it should, I’m sure, but I am just so… angry. I’m angry and disgusted by him for his treatment towards me including – or especially – when he went, “You didn’t think I have feelings for you right? I only liked you as a friend-“
Shut up, you asshole.
I keep telling myself I need to let this go because she is so happy – so happy! – but ugh. I think I’m angry. Really angry. I’m angry for what happened including how I became somehow entangled in their love story thus a part of their history. Until now I feel like wanting to punch his stupid self for using me in getting to her, one of my dearest friends. I want an apology but it’s not going to come – and because it isn’t, here I am, constantly feeling like the most evil person for being unable to wish a dearest friend happiness. Because really, what I want to say – so badly – is this: fuck you.