“Trust yourself in the process of becoming.”

Something I wrote last 2 Mondays ago and safekeeping here;

A thought I had this afternoon: I want so much to tell girls, young or old, dealing with insecurities and self-esteem issues that other girls are not competition. You probably already know this but how important it is to be reminded every now and then cos it is the truth. Third Sis wrote something amazing in her blog some years ago – I’m still convinced that was about and for me haha – and it is, “…or the fact that you are that other girl for a bunch of other girls who look at you and want to be something like, but can’t just as much.”

“What does it take, and how long, to finally love you, for you?”

That was her closing question.

It’s something I think about for many years since and these borrowed words are what I now want to pass forward. How long more for you to love you, for you? The answer is no more. Enough talk. Act on it.

A secret: I took way too long. 20-odd years, at least 26. I remember 2 years ago, at that age, when it finally and suddenly occurred to me that I’d had it. I can’t remember what triggered it; I just remember feeling exhausted in every sense of the word. Enough of self-rejections before anyone even rejected me for anything. So it will take a long time, longer perhaps than you’d wish or think it would. But don’t look at it as “That’s a long time…” Nope. Look at it as – you’ve only so much time so you might as well start today.

Another secret: I’m glad it took me that long. I remember being 23 and sorely disappointed in the person I’d turned out. I remember the young girl I once were with her hopes and dreams, believing the world was waiting for her to happen yet when I placed my 23 year-old self beside her I’d feel inexplicably sad. At 28 now, I want to tell my teenaged and 23 year-old self what I now understood and learned – all hard-earned – and it is to be patient with the process of becoming. That means to say, for instance, it turned out it wasn’t at 23 but 28; this ease feels earned. It was a necessary bumpy route to enable me to grow that much more. So don’t belittle or hate your growing pain years. One day they will all make sense. Trust the process.

Trust yourself in the process.

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