I want to make sure that I write this proper as closure: We finally met on Friday night where I was upfront and confrontational, asking most if not all of the questions I’d meant to ask for so long now. My conclusion is he’s an idiot. Two nights later, I think of him as a … More November: the end.
Eldest Sis shared something profound tonight, in response to my usual thought of “-but I am the opposite; I don’t know why or how anyone could or would desire things like marriage and relationships. It feels too much like putting all your stakes on a highly dynamic, variable and totally unpredictable thing – another person. … More November: you, I, Him (we).
Those of you who’ve been here since last year (as in – you’ve been reading since ‘16 or earlier; thanks for still being here) are likely familiar with my trying-not-to-turn-them-horror tales of my KL-based boss whom I meet in-person twice a year for an hourly catch-up chat (we do phone calls about 6-monthly so 4x … More “I mean to convey: struggles are gifts, too.”
Eldest Sis, with a claim of “if I may make a subtle observation…”, thinks that I would have reacted differently to this turn-of-events had he been a Muslim boy. “If he was a Muslim boy,” she wrote, “it’s highly likely you won’t have all these doubts now and might be even more ready to try this … More November: a plot twist.
I’m thinking I’ll probably cry a little tonight over this weird shift, maybe loss, that I feel. Eldest Sis was right about everything – to gage the situation and how we, myself and him, feel at that particular instance and moment etc… I was very tired and extremely stressed because up until tonight, I’d been … More November: backward/forward.
Eldest Sis says that everyone is broken – it’s just a matter of whether, and when, we reveal our brokenness to each other. “The thing with you,” she continued, “is that you reveal yours all the time.” But she also reminded me that others aren’t perfect – despite whatever I may believe; they have and … More mid-November (also known as chickening out).
i. The first time I listened to John Mayer’s song ‘In The Blood’ fresh from his latest album The Search for Everything, I cried. Then I played the song on loop, letting each word and feeling course through me with overwhelming familiarity. I’ve been there too, I thought to myself as if I was responding to … More exotic / endangered
Sometimes when October boy is texting me, or when he actively seeks me out after a long day, I wonder if he is lonely (and marvel at how I’m not). To be fair – perhaps I’ve forgotten, or conveniently not commit to memories of all and any lonely, bad days. But I wonder, in the most human … More in anticipation of November.
i. Just as August gave way to September, the latter gently bid goodbye to make way for October. Likewise the boy – more real than mere words on paper or two-dimensional photos – has gone from August to September to now, October boy. Since the last time I wrote about him, a few meet-ups have … More October weather (“It’s cos you met me at 26”);
i. My lab tech aka newly acquainted colleague and offshore roommate says that by my age, she’s married with a baby on the way. I tell her that at any age, not all women (men too, really) dream of picket fences :) ii. Today two Operations folks said that I’m ‘well-bred’ when they found out … More (what an identity crisis feels and sounds like)